When someone is emotional available, they feel and know their feelings instead of avoiding all or some to limit vulnerability. It’s not that we know every feeling at every moment; that’s not how humans operate. However, we have a consistent, healthier relationship with ourselves and our feelings.

Being emotionally available requires us to emotionally differentiate between the past and the present. We also need to be emotionally giving. Intimacy isn’t something we perceive as a threat. Instead of suppressing and repressing our feelings, we strive to recognise and know them so we can share and express them.

To be emotionally available, we need to endeavour to be conscious, aware, and present. In having a more connected relationship with our feelings and ourselves, we know our patterns. This means we also know our BS.

For instance, daters experience Future Faking and Fast-Forwarding from emotionally unavailable people. When we’re emotionally available, we have the self-awareness to ensure we don’t tend to say/do things in the moment of a mood that we might not be willing to follow through on if a different mood strikes. We won’t promise the sun, the moon and a field full of ponies, then announce that we’re afraid of commitment. We’re also aware of why previous relationships didn’t work and how emotional unavailability caused problems in the past. This emotional honesty, along with compassion, instead of shame, helps us strive to evolve our habits to break patterns so that we’re not in repeater relationships.

Even though we might find vulnerability daunting, we also know that walls and loving relationships don’t mix. If, in the past, we have found it difficult to express our innermost feelings and thoughts to loved ones, we’re improving and evolving our relationship with vulnerability. If we (or they) feel bad after opening up, we have the self-awareness to take care of ourselves and the relationship rather than throwing it under a bus and running away. As a result, we’re available for the intimacy that comes with allowing ourselves to be seen. Being emotionally available, ultimately, also means being more boundaried.

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Baggage Reclaim with Natalie Lue