Brides Magazine

By Dr. Jane Greer: Marriage & Family Therapist, Author, Radio Host & Shrink Wrap Celebrity Commentator

It is finally here – the day you have been dreaming about for so long. Naturally you want everything to go exactly as planned. The thing is, with so many details to stress over, and so many elements to the event, it is unlikely that it will all go off without a glitch. With that in mind, here are three spots where you can try to let go and, hopefully in doing so, will be able to truly enjoy your big day – perfect or not.

Expecting everything to go right – With all the hours of thought and organizing that went into it, most brides think their wedding day should be absolutely free of any flaws. They want this very important day to go down in the history books with every box checked, everything single wish granted, every guest happy, and every hope fulfilled. Because of that, they hold on to each detail, and are hyper-aware of how it is all carried out. Perfection is a high bar, and the reality is that with so many moving parts going on at once it is possible, likely even, that something will go wrong – the wedding dress might be stepped on, the flowers might not be the exact shade of pink that was ordered, the band leader might wake up sick that morning. This list could go on forever. The bottom line is that by keeping your expectations realistic, and knowing that whatever might fall short is insignificant against the backdrop of what the day is really about – committing to spending the rest of your life with the person you love – it will help keep things in perspective.

Micromanaging the guests – You carefully considered your invitation list, and you completed the intricate seating arrangements, so now it is time to sit back and enjoy. Don’t worry about your aunt who doesn’t like your cousin, or about your best friend from college who likes only a certain brand of vodka – they will work it all out on their own. On top of that, they are here for you. Rather than feeling pressure to choreograph it all, see what happens naturally and let it play out spontaneously. Focus on enjoying the event and the people who are there, and let them do the same.

Trying to resolve family issues – As much as you want family harmony and closeness on this day, it is not the time to work through any unresolved or smoldering issues. Those concerns and problems have probably been there for a while, so it’s okay to wait for another time to fix them rather than trying to do it on the spot. Weddings bring out strong emotions in everyone, and that coupled with the hope to quickly solve issues can be like trying to untangle a knotted necklace in a hurry – it just makes it worse. Better to put those troubles and concerns on a shelf for the time being, and leave them there to address at some time in the future. Avoid mentioning or sparking a discussion about them, and if someone else does just agree that it’s important for you to talk about, and you’ll plan to do it down the road. 


Dr. Jane Greer; Marriage and Family Therapist

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