Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? 7 Intriguing Reasons

As you decide to move on with a heavy heart, you notice that your ex seems unfazed. When you finally make some progress privately, that’s when he shows signs of crumbling. You’re probably wondering why do breakups hit guys later. Why does it take so long for some men to know what they’ve lost? Are they heartless? Decoding the reasons for this delayed effect may leave you firing blanks, and that’s where we come in.

When he’s not reacting to the breakup in the way you hoped he would, it may start to seem like he never loved you at all. How guys feel after a relationship ends is a bit of a mystery. When you are locked in your room, depressed, with a large tub of ice cream, your ex boyfriend is probably out there hanging with the boys; it is easy to assume that he is unaffected or he is trying to portray it that way just to have an upper hand over you. However, it’s important to note that everyone has a different way of dealing with numbing pain, so they can survive the next day with a smile.

Stella, a reader from Arizona wrote in an email to us saying, “I don’t understand. When we broke up, he seemed all composed and detached. Almost unfazed. I asked myself why is my ex boyfriend acting like he doesn’t care. When I asked him, he said, “I don’t feel sad after breakup, whatever happens, happens for the best.” We stopped talking soon after this conversation. Out of the blue, 4 months after breakup, he texts me saying he’s sorry for everything and that he misses me. I am so confused. Why are all guys like that?”

It is quite easy to generalize typical behavior with gender roles, but what takes more out of you is to try and explore the situation from someone else’s point of view. We are glad that you are taking this time out to read and understand how guys process breakups beyond the realm of preconceived gender roles and generalization. It simply means that you validate and accept that men and women operate differently when it comes to emotional matters.

So, why do guys feel the breakup later after all? It doesn’t seem like it is right to assume that all guys are cold-hearted to not be affected by a terrible separation. Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions regarding men and breakups. In this article, we answer the most burning questions that people have regarding how men feel after their partner leaves, if they feel remorse or pain, and what are the reasons behind a delayed response to breakups. We’ll also clear a few of the prevalent misconceptions as well.

Stages Of Breakup For Guys

Before we dive into why do breakups hit guys later, let’s first understand how do men deal with breakups, what do guys think after a break up, and what stages they go through. Breakups can be emotionally overwhelming experiences for anyone regardless of whether it is the end of a short term relationship or a long one. And men, like anyone else, undergo distinct stages while navigating the aftermath of a breakup. Understanding and acknowledging these stages can offer insights into the emotional journey and aid in promoting healing and personal growth.

• Initial Shock and Denial: The initial phase of a breakup often involves a struggle to come to terms with the reality of the situation. Denial becomes a common response as it’s difficult to accept right away that a relationship, once significant and meaningful, has come to an end
• Anger and Sadness: As the realization of the breakup sets in, intense emotions start to surface. Regardless of who dumped who, frustration, resentment, and anger may arise, directed toward the circumstances, the other person, or even oneself. Some may resort to rebound relationships or casual hookups. When does the break up hit the male dumper? This is when it starts to sink in
• Confusion and Self-Reflection: During this stage, a person might seek to make sense of the breakup by questioning the reasons behind it. Self-reflection becomes crucial as they analyze their own role in the relationship’s challenges. During this stage, the urge to bypass the negative emotions through rebounds also subsides and they could even confess that they’re not interested in dating after breakup until they heal and grow
• Healing and Acceptance: Gradually, the intensity of emotions begins to subside, allowing space for the healing process to begin. Acceptance starts to emerge, signaling an acknowledgment that the relationship has indeed concluded
• Moving Forward: The stage of moving forward involves actively embracing change. Men begin to immerse themselves in new activities and hobbies that might have been put on hold during the relationship
• Embracing Acceptance: At this juncture, individuals arrive at a place of full acceptance. They let go of lingering attachments to the past and come to terms with the reality of the relationship’s end. This phase involves opening up to the potential of new connections while appreciating the lessons learned from the past
• Positive Transformation: The final stage encapsulates the growth that arises from the breakup experience. Individuals embrace personal development and self-improvement, incorporating the insights gained from the journey

It’s important to recognize that each person’s journey through these stages is unique and might not follow a linear path. The way people act after a breakup has a lot to do with their conditioned coping mechanisms, thought processes, and experiences. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can provide a significant source of comfort and guidance during the challenging process of healing from a breakup. The lack of willingness to seek help and support is the basic reason behind the delayed grief after breakup, which renders guys helpless when they try to come up with tools to cope with it in a healthy way.

Related Reading: How Soon Can You Start Dating Again After a Breakup?

Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? Exploring The Reasons

Now that we have walked through the stages a guy walks through a breakup, we can delve into the reasons with a better understanding of how do men deal with breakups. Here are 7 main reasons why do breakups hit guys later. It is not that they are insensitive or heartless, but it is just that their coping mechanisms work differently. When put under stress, people act in the way their conditioning allows them to. And we know what most guys are conditioned to be in the emotional intelligence department.

Breakups can have varying impacts on individuals, and it’s often observed that some guys might experience the emotional effects later in the process. Several factors contribute to this delayed response, which can be attributed to psychological, societal, and personal dynamics.

1. Emotional Processing Differences

Men’s emotional processing can be slower, causing a delayed reaction to breakups. Processing complex feelings takes time, making the impact of the breakup felt more intensely in the later stages. This delayed response might lead to a more thorough exploration of emotions as men gradually come to terms with the situation and the openness to look for healthy ways to cope may come even later. Why do guys regret breaking up with a girl later on? This is one of the key reasons why.

2. Social Expectations and Stoicism

In accordance with social norms, men are expected to be stoic and hide vulnerability. Sadly, from a young age, men are actively and passively taught that showing emotions is a sign of weakness which. This pressure can lead to an initial suppression of emotions and an inability to process emotions efficaciously, but these feelings can resurface later when the facade weakens. The struggle to conform to these societal norms can hinder immediate emotional expression but ultimately give way to a more genuine processing of feelings. The general expectations of being ‘a man’ and moving on quickly after break up just add to the pressure dysregulating their emotional coping further.

Related Reading: 21 Signs Of Lack Of Respect In A Relationship

3. Loss of Emotional Support

Men may rely heavily on their partners for emotional support. When that support disappears after a breakup, the absence becomes more noticeable and can result in delayed emotional distress. The absence of a close emotional confidant might make men more aware of their emotional needs, triggering a delayed sense of loss and longing. You’d naturally ask why don’t they go to their friends for emotional support, right? The better question to ask would be, do guys talk about their feelings with their friends? Let’s just say, under the pressure of not showing any sign of vulnerability or weakness, sadly, very few do.

4. Revisiting Memories and Triggers

When a guy is unable to process emotions while dealing with heartbreak or separation, the good times, memories, places, or objects associated with the relationship might trigger emotions later on. As men encounter these reminders, the emotions tied to them can intensify over time. The revisiting of shared experiences and places can evoke bittersweet feelings, causing emotions to resurface with renewed strength.

5. Facing Loneliness and Isolation

Once the shock of the breakup fades, men might find themselves facing loneliness and isolation. This newfound solitude can magnify the emotional impact, leading to delayed emotional responses. As the initial distractions subside, the feeling of isolation might amplify the emotional repercussions of the breakup. Why do guys say hurtful things after a breakup that they don’t mean? It is usually because they aren’t properly equipped with tools to navigate through feeling bad about themselves. Instead of asking for help, they tend to push it away.

Related Reading: How To Know When A Relationship Is Over? 25 Signs That Indicate So

6. Realization of Change and Loss

Over time, men may fully grasp the depth of the changes and losses caused by the breakup. This realization can result in delayed emotional reactions as the magnitude of the situation becomes more apparent. The gradual understanding of the profound shifts in their lives can lead to a delayed emotional reckoning. While they are coming to terms with the whole scenario, a lot of our male readers have reported that they’re not attracted to anyone after breakup. And this leaves them hanging between the thoughts of ‘what if’, ‘what could be’, and ‘what will be’; making it even more difficult for them to cope with the separation.

7. Reassessing Identity and Future

Men might take longer to reevaluate their identity and future plans after a breakup. This process can lead to delayed emotional processing, as they come to terms with how the breakup impacts their sense of self and their aspirations. The reevaluation of their life’s trajectory can trigger delayed emotional responses, as they navigate the uncertainty of a changed future.

The points discussed above should give you a sneak peek into why do guys feel the breakup later. Now you’d be able to understand and empathize with guys in general if they don’t show an overbearing response to breakups in a healthy way you’d have expected. Let’s just agree on the fact that men and women after a breakup cope differently, so we can go through the rest of this article with an open mind…

How long does it take for a breakup to sink in for a guy?

With a deeper understanding of why do breakups hit guys later, let us explore other factors like sensitivity, moving-on mechanisms, and the breakup timeline for guys. The duration it takes for a breakup to deeply affect a guy’s emotions is influenced by a range of factors, as highlighted by several studies. We’ll try and answer questions like — how long does it take for a guy to regret breaking up, who moves on faster after a breakup, when and why do guys rebound after a breakup, etc.

Initially, a sense of shock and denial might prevail. A study published in the Journal of Loss and Trauma (2016)` noted that this phase could last several weeks, as individuals grapple with the sudden change in their relationship status. Even if it was a short term thing, the first 2 weeks after a breakup are weird as guys gradually transition from denial to acceptance.

From a young age, men are taught not to show emotion. Imagine how overwhelming it would be to find yourself in desperate need of emotion regulation and you don’t even know how to process emotions effectively. It takes time to come to grips with it all, sometimes it takes a long time.

The emotional impact typically becomes more pronounced as time goes on. Another research revealed that, on average, it takes about three to six months for the emotional distress of a breakup to peak. During this period, emotions like sadness, anger, and loneliness might be experienced more intensely. So yeah, guys do feel remorse after a significant relationship in their life ends.

Factors like the duration of the relationship and attachment levels also play a role. A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2010) found that individuals who were deeply attached to their partners and had an anxious attachment style, tended to experience a longer period of emotional adjustment after a breakup.

The timeframe for a breakup to truly sink in for a guy varies based on factors like shock duration, emotional intensity, attachment, and coping mechanisms. While there is no fixed timetable, understanding these dynamics can aid in navigating the challenging emotional journey post-breakup. Let’s delve deeper into some more questions that you would be quarreling with — ‘Do guys hurt after dumping you? Do guys move on faster after a breakup? Do guys feel bad after a breakup?’ to understand the aftermath of a breakup for guys.

Related Reading: Making Peace With Your Past – 13 Wise Tips

Do Guys Hurt After Dumping You?

Certainly, missing someone after a breakup is natural, reflecting the depth of trust and connection established. The degree of emotional pain men experience varies, influenced by individual emotional needs and thresholds. Delving into the questions of do guys hurt after dumping you or when does the break up hit the male dumper, social norms still often place the onus of initiating dating pursuits on men. Be it physical pain or emotional pain, guys are capable of feeling as much of it as any other human.

As they frequently face rejection, they grapple with emotional distress, leading to heartache. This is supported by statistical patterns; more attempts increase the chances of rejection. Men do experience post-breakup pain, but their accumulated experience in handling heartbreak enables them to conceal it and cope pragmatically with rejection.

Men do shed tears, yet they recognize the necessity of moving forward. Men’s post-breakup emotional detachment aims to navigate the setback by suppressing feelings, which is not a healthy way to cope, to begin with. Even if a man initiates a breakup, he endures pain. Unless they rid themselves of a toxic relationship, men usually experience anguish after ending it.

Expressing these feelings is challenging for men, even though leaving an abusive relationship induces considerable suffering. Notably, women often have stronger support networks for post-breakup solace, while men typically grapple alone with intense emotions. This gender difference in coping makes it quite difficult for both genders to understand and empathize with each other.

Guys indeed feel upset and hurt post-breakup. Whether they’re being dumped or doing the dumping, they hurt, especially when they understand their actions hurt their partner. The struggle to express emotions can exacerbate their distress. Sharing breakups with friends is tough for men, often hindered by the difficulty of opening up.

Dumping someone presents challenges too. It’s a difficult task, indicating a perceived lack of compatibility or romantic interest. Feeling guilty after breakup for hurting someone dear can be a repercussion of this situation, intensifying personal pain alongside causing hurt to the other person. So, keep this in mind when you ponder over the question of why do breakups hit guys later. They might not be having a sunny day in the park either.

Related Reading: 25 Most Common Relationship Problems

Do Guys Move On Faster After A Breakup?

Post-breakup yearning is a natural reflection of established trust and connection. Men’s emotional responses vary due to personal needs and thresholds. Exploring the disparity in how breakups affect men, societal norms still place men in the role of initiating courtship, leading to rejection-induced distress. Men do feel upset. They feel the emotional and physical pain that comes with separation, but their experience in surviving heartbreak limits them to express openly.

Do guys move on faster after a breakup? Maybe! Do guys cry after a break up? A solid, yes! Men may cry yet prioritize moving forward. Emotional detachment after a breakup helps navigate the setback. Even if a man initiates the breakup, he experiences pain unless the relationship was toxic. Expressing these emotions remains challenging, including after leaving an abusive relationship. Women’s stronger support networks contrast with men’s isolated grappling with emotions.

Struggles in emotional expression worsen their distress. Sharing breakups with friends is tough due to opening up difficulties. Dumping someone also poses challenges, signifying incompatibility or waning interest. It involves confronting guilt for hurting someone dear, amplifying personal pain alongside causing hurt.

Related Reading: 18 Subtle Signs Your Long-Term Relationship Is Over

Guys behavior after breakup can be summed up in these two points. Rebound culture’s acceptance complicates discerning genuine emotional recovery. While rebounds have their place, they delay facing residual breakup feelings. Healing duration varies per person. However, if the ex boyfriend held significance, moving on might take time. Overcoming breakups depends on the man’s state of mind and the relationship nature. For insight, direct communication and behavioral cues are telling. Closure-seeking suggests a struggle, while nonchalance might mask suppressed emotions.

Do Guys Feel Bad After A Breakup?

Undoubtedly, guys experience post-breakup distress consistently. Whether being dumped or initiating the split, a man’s emotions are impacted. The breakup message, irrespective of the reason, strikes his self-esteem, leaving him feeling bad about himself. Most men feel inadequate and judged. Even if the relationship was less significant, losing closeness and cherished memories prompts negative emotions.

The breakup’s immediacy hits hard, particularly if he witnesses his former partner moving on swiftly. This could lead to desperate attempts to win them back or opting for a period of no contact to cope. Sometimes, men end relationships due to stress or commitment fears, facing the task of hurting someone they care for sincerely. They may seem like they have it all figured out, but that is rarely the case.

Do guys feel bad after a breakup? Trust us, they do. Breakups are universally painful; causing hurt or inflicting it on a loved one brings no joy. Regret might stem from self-justification struggles or evading emotions. Some men reconsider breakups due to unresolved emotions. Reflecting on their choices can evoke guilt or a realization of missed opportunities.

Guys behavior after breakup varies, which may seem like them being cold or distant as if they’re not attracted to anyone after breakup; let alone their ex-partner. This behavior may stem from challenges in discussing emotions with friends due to relationship immaturity. Consequently, they grapple alone with emotional pain. The question “Do men regret breaking up?” generally yields a yes. The breakup process isn’t easy for either party. Men might later regret breakups as they confront unaddressed feelings, attempting to reconcile their decisions with emotions they tried to suppress.

Now that you have the answer to questions like “Why do guys regret breaking up with a girl later on?”, “Why do breakups hit guys later?” or “Do guys take longer to get over a breakup?”, you know what’s going on in his mind a bit better. If you know someone who’s struggling to cope with a breakup or if you’re going through a tough period yourself, Bonobology’s panel of experienced therapists can help you paint a path toward recovery.

Breakups are arduous for all the parties involved. We often tend to look at the world from just our lenses. We’d like to congratulate you since you took the time to read this article and try on a different lens. Understanding the nuances of such subtle gender differences will surely help create a safe space for your relationships to grow and flourish.

This article was updated in Aug, 2023

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