Top 5 Signs Your Marriage Won’t Last and How to Rebuild

If your marriage is gasping for breath, I don’t need to tell you how painful that is. Or how scary, especially when you think of what’s at stake. Your heart, for one thing, not to mention the life you’ve built together.

When you feel like the end is near and that’s the only option, it’s so disempowering too, like there’s nothing you can do.

But what if there is?

Here are the top signs a marriage won’t last—and 5 empowering alternatives you can put into practice right now if you want to give your marriage a chance.

1. You Believe It Won’t Last

Maybe your husband is saying he’s out and it’s over or he’s more interested in someone else.

That’s terrifying and painful, and it’s understandable that you’d start to believe it’s not up to you whether your marriage will last.

But that’s just his side of the equation. What about your side? Do you have the desire to stay married?

It’s scary to admit that you want your marriage when it seems so hopeless, but having the courage to acknowledge your desire and honor it is powerful.

So the question to ask yourself is not “Will he stay married to me?” but “Do I want to stay married?”

2. Everyone Around You Is Telling You to Leave

Maybe when you ask yourself if you want to stay married, your answer is “Are you crazy? This marriage is a complete wreck and I don’t see how it will get any better.”

That’s more than a little discouraging! And as a mere mortal woman, you’re going to need to talk about this with other people, who may also get scared when you tell them what’s going on at your house.

Then, because people love you and want to protect you, they may logically tell you to just leave! They’ll say, “You deserve better.”

Whether it’s your family, your friends or marriage counselors telling you that, it’s likely to scare the stuffing out of you. Especially if they’re all saying it!

But does everyone telling you that you should leave him mean that they’re right? Nope! They’re not the experts on your life—you are. They don’t know the reasons, probably good ones, that you chose your man.

This brings me to the third sign that a marriage won’t last…

3. You Focus on What’s Wrong with Your Husband

You may have forgotten those reasons that you chose him or worry that you made a mistake when you fell for his charm or his great dance moves when now you see that he has anger issues or addictions, or just isn’t interested in family life the way you imagined it would be.

But what were those reasons you chose your man?

Just listing ten of them, even if you think they were the wrong reasons, can be a powerful way to change your focus from what you don’t have to what you do have.

4. You Forgot You Have the Power to Make It Playful and Passionate

Another sign that your marriage won’t last is that y

ou think you’re the victim. That’s what I thought too! Everything was happening to me, so I was stuck having to do all the chores, make all the money, and be the grownup in the marriage while my husband just lounged around watching TV. I was so resentful!

The only way I could see becoming empowered was to dump this husband and get a better one who wouldn’t take advantage of me and make me do everything. And one who was more affectionate too!

But it turns out the person making me do all the dreadful work was not him. It was me!

It was me.

And once I discovered my own power to be happy, it was incredibly contagious and inspiring. Suddenly our relationship became playful and passionate, right when I realized I had the power to show up as my best self.

Talk about an aha moment! It took me a long time to get my jaw off the floor when I realized how much power I had. Daaaang!

5. No One Ever Taught You The 6 Intimacy Skills™

Back when I was looking for signs that my marriage wouldn’t last, I found what I was looking for. Makes sense when I say it that way now, but I didn’t know that then!

I thought I was being smart and prepared when I looked for that evidence, never that I was cynically creating that outcome because I was so focused on it. I see that so clearly now.

But in my defense, no one had ever taught me the 6 Intimacy Skills. I had no idea there was another way to be besides terrified, vigilant, defensive, and resentful.

Maybe you can relate. I sure hope I’m not the only one because now that I know the 6 Intimacy Skills and practice them and hang around other women who practice them all the time, it seems very obvious that my marriage will last, ’til death do us part.

That’s what I desire, and I’m confident my husband does too. When I look for signs that my marriage will last, I find them abundantly now, like how we were laughing so hard while he chased me around the kitchen island last night. Then he caught me and held me tight. That was so fun!

I much prefer this new habit of looking for signs that my marriage will last, which took some effort at first because I had a habit of looking for signs that it wouldn’t last before. My new habit is a lot more fun and feels as light as breathing now.

So here’s my invitation to you. Instead of looking for the top 5 signs that your marriage won’t last, write down the top 5 signs that your marriage will not only last but also thrive.

Maybe I can help you get started. Just you reading this blog and getting reminded about your power and the 6 Intimacy Skills might be one pretty solid sign that your marriage will last.

Now that’s a sign worth paying attention to.

I’d love to hear the signs you find.

By Laura Doyle

Hi! I’m Laura.

New York Times Bestselling Author

I was the perfect wife–until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

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