How Long Does A Crush Last And 14 Ways To Get Over It

Wondering how long does a crush last and whether there is anything you can do to make that feeling go away? Well, you’re not alone. In high school, I had a massive crush on a boy from my class. He wasn’t the most handsome or the most popular boy in school. But he was gentle, kind and compassionate, and something about him just tugged at my heartstrings so powerfully.

I was consumed by fantasies about what it’d be like if I told him how I felt. Would he say he felt the same way about me too? Would we seal our confessions with a kiss? What would that feel like? Since we were also pretty good friends, we’d spend a lot of time hanging out together. And I’d savor the moments and relive them in my head, over and over again.

This went on for two years. As the final exams for my senior year drew closer, I began to panic as I was having a hard time concentrating on anything other than that gorgeous boy I was obsessed with. I needed to know how to lose feelings for a crush as this was consuming me entirely. “How long does a crush last?”, I wondered frantically, as I tried to bury myself in my books to stay busy, but to no avail.

Then, I spoke to my English teacher, who hooked me up with the school counselor to help me work through my feelings. The counselor helped me understand how to forget a crush. All these years later, I’m here to share the insights that helped me to not only stop crushing on a friend from school, but also deal with other crushes along the way (including the ones I developed while being in committed relationships).

How Long Does A Crush Last?

Not all crushes are meant to turn into long-lasting relationships or some kind of a genuine connection. Some, just end. To understand how long does a crush last and why, it’s imperative to know clearly what a ‘crush’ means and how is infatuation different from love. Simply put, a crush is a strong feeling of infatuation with a person about whom you may not know much.

This infatuation triggers intense emotions and a ready rush, which is why it can be hard to move on from a crush you see every day or even one who doesn’t even acknowledge your presence. You see a potential relationship with this person, even though there actually isn’t much of a foundation there for one. Romantic ove, on the other hand, is characterized by a wholesome emotional attachment and a strong bond that stems from sharing a journey and getting to know the other person intimately.

Now that you have clarity on how to distinguish a crush from love, let’s circle back to the question of how long does a crush last. According to recent research, it takes up to four months to forget a crush. However, when feelings and emotions are involved, research-backed timelines and estimates don’t always hold. Yes, having a crush on someone for years is not unheard of.

Case in point: my two-year-long, high school crush.

While reveling in the heady rush of emotions when you’re crushing on new people is exciting and invigorating, these feelings can also become exhausting after a point. Particularly, when you’re unable to share them with the object of your affection or in the case of a failed crush.

Can a crush last for 7 years or so?

The word ‘crush’ is typically used to describe when you develop intense feelings but they are fleeting or short-lived bouts of attraction to someone. Yet, it is hard to put a specific timeline on how long does a crush last. While some crushes dissipate within days or hours even, others can last a lifetime too. So, yes, a crush can last for years, 7 or even lesser.

One key factor determining how long does it take for a crush to fade is what’s stirring up the attraction and the seemingly romantic feelings you have for them. If you’re attracted to someone solely based on physical attributes such as looks or passion in bed, the crush can fade away quickly. Typically, when you start seeing the flaws in the person’s personality, the bubble of how perfect they are bursts, and you stop being besotted with them.

However, a crush that stems from emotional attraction and intellectual intimacy is more likely to be long-lasting and may even leave you with a broken heart at some point. In the case of my school crush, for instance, it was his gentle and kind personality that drew me to him and kept me hooked. That’s why it’s harder to stop crushing on a friend than to get over a crush who ignores you or is rude or mean to you.

Related Reading: Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

Why do some crushes last so long?

The answer to why do some crushes last so long is also closely related to how a crush ends – with increased intimacy. If a person doesn’t act on their feelings or meet someone new, the crush can go on for years or even decades. This happens because a lot of people indulge in spinning elaborate fantasies about their crushes in their heads. I, for instance, made it a bedtime ritual to imagine what it’d be like to BE with my school crush, for a long period of time.

Every night, I’d paint scenarios where we’d confess our feelings to each other and just melt away in the bliss of our togetherness. Some times, I’d be pretending that I was spending time with him, by picturing him taking me on a dinner date at this fancy, fine-dining restaurant in town or sneaking into my bed at night. At others, I’d have long drawn-out conversations with him – in my head – till I drifted off to sleep.

While these fantasies felt good in my head, they also paralyzed me with a fear of what if he didn’t feel the same way about me. I became crippled with negative thoughts around his feelings for me. According to my then-school counselor, that’s exactly what makes some crushes last so long and that’s what makes it hard to lose feelings for a crush.

“You get sucked so deep into the fantasy world that taking action in the real world becomes more and more intimidating. The bigger your fantasy grows, the higher the stakes seem. This fear can paralyze you into a state of limbo, making you cling on to this blissful imagination of what can be – but may never come to pass,” said Ms. Martha.

How To Get Over A Crush – 14 Ways

How to get over a a crush quickly? If you’re looking for answers to this question, in all likelihood you’re struggling to move on from a crush who doesn’t like you or with whom you don’t see a possible future. Or perhaps, like me, you’re stuck in that state of limbo where you can neither bring yourself to express your feelings nor forget a crush you see every day.

One of the key things to be kept in mind while trying to get over someone is that you mustn’t push yourself into it. Everyone has their own pace and it would be wrong to try and speed things up. That said, it is necessary to start initiating the “move on” phase. And hating your crush or completely removing them from your life isn’t the way to do it.

If you’re wondering how to get started on moving on from a crush, I would advise you to slow down first. As beautiful as it is to fall in love or have a crush on someone, moving on from a crush can be beautiful too. Enjoy the healing process and don’t be hard on yourself. Give yourself at least a few weeks to bounce back, and let the Universe offer you better things.

To help you break free from the cage of your own emotions and longings, let me recount the advice Ms. Martha offered me many moons ago. I present to you, these 14 tips on how to stop crushing on a guy or girl who has been on your mind:

Related Reading: 20 Signs He Is Not Into You – Don’t Waste Your Time!

1. Express your feelings

It is time to fess up your feelings, that indeed is the best way. “You have to rip off the band-aid,” Ms. Martha had said, in a straight, matter-of-fact way. “There is just no other way to begin the process of getting over your crush,” she added.

So, whether you want to stop crushing on a friend, a classmate, a co-worker or that stranger you cross paths with on the subway every day, just tell them how you feel. Ask them out for a coffee date or drinks or maybe just a walk in a nearby park, and tell them that you like them and would like to see where it goes.

They’d either say that they feel the same way and you can take the next step in the relationship or that they don’t, in which case you’ll have clarity on where you stand and begin the process of healing.

2. Allow yourself to grieve

The best way to bring yourself out of this, is to let yourself feel your feelings. This is assuming that you do tell them how you feel and they don’t reciprocate as you had hoped, lean into the feelings of dismay and allow yourself to grieve.

A crush triggers the same feel-good neuro-chemicals as love – dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin. When it ends up unrequited, you experience emotions along the same lines as that gnawing feeling of emptiness after a breakup. Even if you’re trying to get over a crush who ignores you or has been disrespectful of your feelings, that sense of loss can be very raw and real.

Embrace it and feel its full extent, so that you can eventually leave it behind and move on, instead of resorting to unhealthy coping skills. How long does a teenage crush last? Not too long anyway. So don’t be petrified of getting your heart broken as you’ll move on to the next crush in no time.

3. Spill out your feelings

Bottling up our emotions can seem like the easiest thing to do, especially in the case of emotions that make you feel exposed, weak or vulnerable. But that won’t do you any good.

• Find support in others: Turn to a close friend or a sibling for support. Spill out your feelings, tell them how you feel sad. Cry if you need to. We promise you that soon enough, it will make you feel amazing
• But not all the time: This release when spending time with close friends will instantly make you feel lighter and better, but don’t overdo it. Talking about your feelings is essential, but talking about them over and over again and wallowing in the same pain on a loop is like picking on a raw wound
• Stay distracted: “For a wound to heal, you need to let a scab form on it. Likewise, once you have let out the pain and angst, you have to let it settle before it eventually dies down. So, focus your energies on keeping yourself productively distracted if you want to move on from a crush quickly,” Ms. Martha had advised me

This advice has stood me in good stead not only when trying to get over my later crushes, but also in dealing with crushing heartbreak and breakups.

Related Reading: Unrequited Love: How To Deal And What To Do?

4. Tell your friends your crush is a no-go topic

Your friends teasing you about the guy or girl you’re crushing on, leaving you blushing like a naïve teenager – it just doesn’t get old. Whether you’re 17 or 30, it always evokes the same reactions, and might I admit, feels pretty darn good.

But it also plunges you back into the same headspace of an emotional surge, which can actually make you feel worse after a point. So go ahead and tell your friends that you’ve decided to move on from this one-sided love and your crush is a no-go topic of conversation here on. Moving on from a crush demands support from all your close ones.

5.  A little distance goes a long way

If you’re trying to get over a crush you see everyday, distancing yourself from them can be immensely beneficial in taking the edge off your feelings for them. The no-contact rule can be effective not just in getting over a breakup but also a crush. You need a little space from them at this point, to minimize their presence in your life.

• Make small changes to avoid seeing them: In case you study in the same class or work in the same office, cutting them out of your life completely may not be feasible. But you can still distance yourself from them. For instance, if you’ve always shared a bench in class, try to pick out a different spot for yourself. Maybe, go sit with your BFF for a change
• Change your schedule: Or if you took coffee breaks together at work, mix up your schedule so that you can steer clear of running into them or engaging with them in conversations that bring you back to square one.Just do a few things like this consistently, so you can stop feeling so emotionally affected by your crush.

Related Reading: 8 Ways To Make One-sided Love Successful

6. Stop stalking their social media accounts

To move on from a crush who ignores you or even the one who’s chummy but doesn’t feel the same way about you, you need to get off the social media stalking bandwagon. We’re not judging you, we have all been there. But there’s no way you can succeed in stopping from crushing on someone if you’re stalking their Instagram at 2 a.m. or checking out their Stories the minute they get posted.

Seeing them hang out with someone else or looking good in a picture, will completely ruin your progress so far. If unfriending or blocking seems too radical, unfollow their profile until you’ve got a handle on your emotions. Resist the urge to keep going back to their social media profiles, because it won’t serve any purpose other than feeding the very emotions you’re trying to overcome.

When you’re out drinking, put your friends in charge of controlling your mobile activity so that you don’t go down the spiral of hearting their 10-year-old photos, or worse, drunk calling them. You need your support system to vigilantly be on your side now.

7. Distance includes no texting

I’m going to spell out that maintaining distance when trying to stop crushing on a friend or trying to get over a crush you see everyday includes snapping all forms of communication. Just so that when your emotions get the better of you, you don’t start double texting them because you think that there was no ‘no-texting rule’ mentioned in my advice list.

If, in the past, you texted or spoke to each other often, politely tell your crush that you need some space and would appreciate it if they didn’t contact you for a while. Trust us, you will feel differently about them in a matter of a few days.

8. Stay productively occupied to lose feelings for a crush

While work can be a great healer when it comes to moving forward in life from a crush, don’t just throw yourself into work or studying, but actually make time to enjoy the activities you like. Be it playing a sport, reading, dancing, gardening, playing an instrument…hobbies can be therapeutic.

• Sign up for a cooking or baking class: If you want to perfect making those croissants, now is the time!
• Challenge yourself: Set challenges for yourself such as reading a certain number of books in a month or walking a certain number of miles per day to stay productive
• Get organized in your life: Create a routine that involves journaling, meditation, buying groceries and routinely doing something new with your friends. Keep your day completely occupied