How to Gain Back Self-Worth After a Breakup – Dating Relationship Coaching & Advice

Today on Dear Sybersue, I discuss How to Gain Self-Worth After a Breakup. Many men and women go through self-esteem issues after a breakup.

Learning the lessons you were supposed to learn, and owning your part in what transpired within your relationship, really helps you to move on with more clarity. This is necessary so that you can evolve to a higher place of love within yourself, and be on a clearer path to meet someone who is much better suited for you. The Universe is there for you when you take the time to grasp the wisdom it provides.

We tend to concentrate on the sadness or anger of a breakup, rather than take the time to really understand why we broke up.

It is important to grasp the concept that if you were truly meant to be together as a couple, you both would have found a way for your partnership to work out. One of the big reasons why many men and women take a long time to get over a breakup is that they are not looking at the reality of what caused the demise of their union. This is the time to look inward and be really honest with yourself about how you contributed to the relationship.

What initially attracted you to each other? Were there some red flags that may have been overlooked? Do you see where some of the problems may have come from in your partnership?

To be able to move on, it is important to grieve the demise of your relationship.

Allow yourself to feel the emotions, honor them, and don’t bury them without acknowledging their existence. They will only pop out unexpectedly at a later date when you decide to venture into another partnership down the road. More often than not, it is our crushed egos that play a much bigger role in the ending of our relationships.

Moving on from a breakup also doesn’t happen quickly for everyone because you really may not have been aware that things had changed in your relationship. It is not uncommon, to be the last to know when things shift in your partnership because you are not paying close enough attention to your partner’s moods, their body language, or some of their verbal concerns. Listening and really hearing what your partner has to say is the most important thing you can do in your relationship. Unfortunately, many couples overlook this simple priority as the years go by.

Breakups can be even more difficult if your partner walked away unexpectedly. Being blindsided is crushing, and very hurtful when you thought things were going well within your partnership. There are usually some signs that come into play, but they are often not acknowledged, or they are pushed under the rug, hoping they will dissipate over time.

Occasionally, someone closes off any indications that they have slowly pulled away and checked out of the relationship. Fortunately, that is not usually the case, and this is why communication should always be the number one priority in any partnership you have. You should always be aware of even the smallest changes happening between you as a couple and openly address them with one another. Couples, who stand the test of time, are the ones who don’t hold back on having some of those tougher conversations.

Let’s talk about some of the steps you can take to help heal your heart and gain back your self-worth.

1. The sooner you appreciate who you are as you stand alone, without relying on a partner, is when you will slowly start to move on with some clarity within all aspects of your life.

You may not have realized how easy it was to depend on your ex-partner for many things, and it can make you feel helpless when you lose that safety net and regular companionship after the demise of your relationship. This is a big reason I always advise my clients to maintain some of their independence on a regular basis throughout any relationship. “Your partner should be an extension of who you already are as your authentic self.”

Photo by Brian Lundquist on Unsplash

Your partner is a big part of the love you share in your romantic commitment with each other, but you are a whole person as well when you stand alone. A relationship takes work, and nothing should ever be taken for granted by either of you. They are not in your life just to make things easier for you. Sometimes you find out you are the last to know that you lost part of yourself within your partnership. Dependency and complacency are two big culprits, in the demise of many love connections.

2. Get Busy!

Get off the couch and out of the house as often as you can. Make appointments on the calendar that you have to keep. The busier you are during the day will take time away from thinking about your Ex. Each hour that you have outside the memories of your relationship, is an hour closer to finding your self-worth again.

Make a list of chores or small projects that need your attention and plan to tackle them individually by a certain time frame. Making small changes in your home is a good way to brighten up your mood as well as add a new ambiance to where you live. If you have to move from your residence due to your breakup, this can be a blessing in disguise. Not having come home to a place you shared with your Ex can really help you to move on faster.

3. Deal with your feelings! You will go through so many emotions you didn’t even know you were capable of feeling!

Feeling lost and somewhat stuck on how to move forward, is a very natural progression when dealing with the first few difficult months of a breakup. It isn’t an easy transition when your heart is broken into a million little pieces. Don’t try to suppress your feelings, embrace them all! Get angry, be sad, cry whenever you want to, and write down your thoughts as often as you can. Writing is a form of emotion and is very therapeutic in helping heal the heart.

You will go through so many ups and downs, it will confuse the Hell out of you. Especially during some of those days, when you finally feel the urge to laugh out loud again! It is important to remember that you are allowed to be happy! In due time you will see the foreshadowing of this comment when you are actually happier without your ex-partner, and now you understand why.

4. Find a purpose in your life.

“Well, that’s easier said than done, Sybersue! Wouldn’t I already have one if it were that simple?”

It’s actually not that complicated or difficult to discover where your hidden talents lie. Ask yourself the question: What 3 things do I love about myself? I have proposed this question to my clients and my friends over the years, and not surprisingly many of them aren’t sure how to answer that until I give an example of my own 3 things I like about myself.

1. I am blessed to be a decent writer/blogger that I continue to improve upon. I didn’t always have the confidence to publish my posts, but I slowly kept persevering until my insecurities lessened, and I gained more self-esteem in the writing field.
2. Another thing I like about myself is that I have the ability to really listen to people and help them through those difficult walks of life that I have also ventured out on. Through my coach training and personal trials and tribulations, I am able to offer guidance to men and women who need it.
3. I am proud of my tenacity and never-ending perseverance to get things done. I am never afraid to learn new things, especially in the field of technology, which is forever changing!

When I combined these three things together over the last 10 -15 years, it led me to where I am today. I always had a goal to achieve every birthday, which has allowed me to continually evolve and keep my life far more interesting. I don’t have time to dwell on the smaller annoyances in life because I have so many more important things that need my attention.

Once you make your own list of qualities that you like about yourself, put them to work to keep yourself busy and your brain active. This naturally improves your self-worth because you now have a purpose in your life that offers you hope and fulfillment. This also allows you to deal with some of those tougher times that we all have to deal with throughout our years. When you have other things to look forward to, it is easier to get through some of those obstacles that life throws at all of us.

The bonus gift to having a purpose in your life, is that love seems to find its way to you without drama or difficulty. The reason for this is that you are confident and proud of who you are, which attracts other like-minded people toward you. When you are comfortable and happy with how your life is progressing, you are a natural magnet of powerful energy. People want to be around you! You will also have clarity as to why you weren’t meant to stay in your past relationship.

We don’t often realize until much later in our breakups that we are meant to take a different path. This doesn’t mean that you wasted your time in a bad situation. Each and every experience you have in your life leads you to a higher place of where you are supposed to be. Cherish every moment that you were lucky to learn from and appreciate the lesson with gratitude.

*Please click on the video link below to find out how to move on from your past relationship and gain back your self-worth.

Thank you, Sybersue xo <3