20 Qualities To Look For In A Husband For A Successful Marriage

What are the qualities to look for in a husband? To answer this question, a study was conducted by Richard A. Lippa. A survey was put out on BBC internet, which ultimately reached around 119,733 men and 98,462 women. The task was simple: pick the top three traits in a mate you look for. This was out of a list of 23 traits running the gamut from intelligence and industriousness to parenting abilities and attractiveness.

The top picks for women? Humor, intelligence, honesty, kindness, and values. However, it’s worth noting that good looks, facial attractiveness, and fitness were all rather high up on the women’s list as well. Curiously, money, social status, and prosperity were all at the bottom of the list. This is why we need to dive deeper into a woman’s perspective on the qualities of a good groom. This begs the question: What are the signs of a good man to marry? We’re here to help you solve the mystery.

20 Qualities To Look For In A Husband

Married life is different from a relationship. Getting married to someone means waking up next to them every day, and not letting the monotony of it all diminish the conscious effort you put into it. More than that, a strong marriage is a shared journey that typically spans decades, and you share a life with your best friend, which brings challenges you can’t even imagine.

Since you’re going to be spending a better part of your life with your husband-to-be, him having the traits of a good husband can make this journey a joyful and fulfilling one. So, here are 20 things a husband should do. These are not set in stone, but in the long run, they will be beneficial to you so you must pay attention to these admirable qualities while selecting your future husband:

1. The qualities to look for in a husband: Is he easy to be with?

You may have often heard couples talk about how they just “clicked,” a phenomenon often attributed to the chemistry between two people. As aspirational as it may sound, it doesn’t necessarily have to be so in your case. In fact, you need to make sure you:

• Are not always on your toes around him
• Don’t go out of your way to impress him
• Feel safe in his presence and can share secrets with him

One of the qualities of a potential husband is that he is also your best friend. You can talk to him about anything, joke about different things, and when things get a little rough, you should be able to sail through them with relative ease. Making active efforts to not turn the little fights into daily battles is one of the qualities of a good man to marry.

2. He is kind and compassionate

The ‘What I want in a husband list’ was compiled by researchers at the University of Göttingen in Germany and the female health app Clue. The survey polled more than 64,000 people in 180 countries, asking them what makes a good husband — from religious or political preferences to the importance of height. Here are the survey results:

• Almost 90% of the women ranked kindness highest among desirable qualities
• This was followed closely by supportiveness at 86.5%
• 72.3% women ranked intelligence as their favorite quality in a man

So, healthy communication skills lay the foundation for a happy marriage. That’s why ‘compassion’ makes its way up here in this list of qualities to look for in a husband. Realizing that you have your needs as a separate human being and practicing kindness toward your needs are the most important qualities of a good husband and father.

Men of good character care about the well being of strangers, children, the elderly, and animals. A man that treats you right but disrespects a waiter in a restaurant or kicks a street dog is not husband material. If he feeds the stray animals, donates to charity, or is generally kind toward the people around him, you have hit the jackpot in the ‘best husband’ department.

Related Reading: 6 Reasons Why You Should Go With Gut Feel While Choosing Your Partner

3. If you believe in monogamy, he must too

Of course, that’s not to say that monogamy is the only way forward. Monogamy is one of the qualities to look for in a husband for people who value the construct themselves. However, if you’re a polyamorous person or practice relationships in any other way, you might be looking for something different. Marital satisfaction fully depends on wanting the same things.

If he believes in monogamy like you, there is an assortment of activities that you can do to keep the boredom at bay. Before marrying your man, have a long, detailed conversation with him about his views on:

• Monogamy
• Polyamory
• Infidelity

A shocking research points out that couples lie to each other three times a week. Of course, this includes big ones like cheating but also seemingly harmless white lies such as “I will surely come home on time today”. So, if you’re a single woman looking for the perfect partner, know that dishonesty and lack of self control are ultimate deal breakers.

4. He has a good sense of humor

In a study conducted with 3,000 married couples from five countries, both husbands and wives were found to be happier with a humorous partner. This trait was reported to be more important for the marital satisfaction of the wives than the husbands. The research says “spouses may also take humorousness as a sign of motivation to be amusing, kind, understanding, and dependable — as a sign of commitment”.

While looking for good qualities in a spouse, you also need to make sure his dry sense of humor is bang on. Sexist, racist, derogatory jokes are funny to no one. Block that man out of your life if you find him making jokes like:

• “My wife belongs to the kitchen”
• “My wife and her friends are always gossiping”
• “Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake their entire marriage”

5. Every day is new learning from him

One of the best qualities to look for in a man is the emotional maturity to learn something from every opportunity. Chances are that you and your future husband work in different places, or you have different skillsets altogether. Your marriage can get very boring if you’re not able to share these skillsets with each other. That’s why a willingness to learn from you and an ability to inspire are the characteristics of a husband that you should look for.

Your man might know how to make delicious hummus, or he may be well-versed with current affairs. Whatever the expertise be, you both should be able to share it with each other and enjoy the process. The ability to have political debates with him or argue with him about the ideal amount of sugar in a cup of tea is how you can communicate effectively in your long-term relationship.

Related Reading: 10 Must-Follow Healthy Relationship Boundaries

6. He makes you a better person

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. If your relationship allows you to grow as a person and doesn’t stun your progress, you’ve set the foundation for a healthy relationship.

What should a husband do for his wife? Become an ally in her personal development. You might know the person you are going to marry very well, but does he make you want to be a better person? Trust us, people do become better after falling in love! It is very important to tie a lifelong knot with a man who brings out the best in you by:

• Encouraging you to push your limits
• Respecting your gut feeling instead of making decisions for you
• Honoring your space/alone time

7. He does not restrict you or your relationship

You don’t need a self-serving partner who gives you a hard time when you assert your independence. Yes, a lot of men tend to be very restrictive toward their wives. Years of patriarchal conditioning make them blind to certain problematic behavior patterns, such as always demanding to know:

• Where you are
• Who you are with
• What you can or cannot wear

In the 21st century, the 20 qualities of a good man include this ability to treat you as an equal and a partner in true earnest, and not as someone he needs to protect or save from the world. Women need not be told what to do and what not to do. What makes a good husband is him encouraging you to try new things instead of restricting you to a cage.

A successful relationship is all about trust. Knowing that you’re safe should be enough for him. He should not be confining you from doing anything. If you’re trying to figure out what to look for in a husband, find someone who trusts in you enough to let you make your own decisions and isn’t regressive enough to micro-manage your life. You’re an equal, not his pawn.

8. He is ready to compromise when need be

Yes, you’ll live a happy life with pleasant memories. But you’ll also have disagreements. It is impossible that the two of you will be on the same page throughout the day. You might also get into arguments because of the different opinions. Arguments are normal, and in some sense, even necessary. However, things will begin to go downhill if he always expects you to compromise.

Being convinced that he does no wrong is definitely not among the good qualities in a boyfriend. A healthy relationship calls for both parties to compromise at some point. So, here are the traits of a good husband:

• Open-mindedness and willingness to take the high road
• Emotional maturity and good communication for healthy conflict resolution
• Ability to have meaningful conversations when you’re feeling low

Certified relationship coach Shivangi Anil emphasizes, “To spot signs of inequality, we need to pay attention to where the decision-making power lies. And by decision, I don’t mean financial or big decisions alone. Decisions about where you stay, what you eat, and whom you both interact with as a couple.

“Inequality harbors an unequal power dynamic wherein the person in a more powerful position can impose their needs and demands on the other person. In extreme cases, a skewed power dynamic can also pave the way for abuse and violence.”

9. He is good in bed

There have been innumerable cases where women find their husbands to be very loving, caring, and understanding. However, they are still not completely happy in their marriage because their husbands are unable to satisfy them in bed. When considering things to look for in a husband, your sexual compatibility as a couple must definitely be factored in. On that note, here are the qualities to look for in a man:

• He’s sensitive and accepting of your sexual desires and needs
• He pushes your boundaries of pleasure
• You can talk to him about what you’re comfortable with, and what makes you happy

Don’t take this one lightly, it’s one of the most important qualities of a good groom. Studies actually suggest that women cheat in relationships to supplement it, not to end them. Studies also indicate that 80% of women fake their orgasms during sex.

10. He shares the same values as you do

Having a difference in opinion is one thing, but if your to-be partner doesn’t share the same values as you do, chances are your marriage will turn into a battlefield. Patty and Jake had been together for over two years, and even though Jake hadn’t popped the question yet, the signs he wanted to marry her were all there. On a Friday night date, Patty broached the topic of future kids, which oddly they’d never discussed during their entire relationship.

As it turned out, Jake wanted a big family whereas Patty leaned in favor of a child-free lifestyle. This difference of opinion ultimately drove them apart. That’s why discussing values is important when assessing future husband qualities. In case your partner has a difference in values, you need to make sure he at least respects where you stand.

So, if you’re introspecting on qualities of a potential husband, the coherence of core values is an important thing in real life. Starting from compatibility of family members, these values can include:

• Religious/spiritual beliefs
• Stance on joint family (living with in-laws or separately)
• Lifestyle choices (drinking/smoking/smoking up)

11. He looks forward to doing new things with you

You cannot expect your husband to surprise you with new activities every day, but he should be excited to try new things with you. How to be a good husband? Be adventurous. It could be as small as trying out the new restaurant that serves Chinese food, or as big as going paragliding.

Your significant other should look forward to experimenting and exploring new experiences with you. That’s why a zest for life is among the qualities to look for in a husband. Without it, the monotony of married life can quickly take its toll. If you were wondering how to describe the best husband, “Someone who you can explore the world with” is a good place to start.

12. You can communicate with him about everything

You may be upset with your partner, yet you know that you can talk to him about what is bothering you. So, great communication and receptiveness are the qualities of a good partner in a marriage. If your man is the right guy, you will be able to talk to him about difficult issues and not be afraid of his reaction. He will listen to you and address your problems instead of declaring your argument invalid.

Hence, good listening skills is one of the non-negotiable qualities of a good husband. One study conducted by Faye Doell (2003) showed that there are two different types of listening: “listening to understand” and “listening to respond”. Those who “listen to understand” have greater satisfaction in their interpersonal relationships than others. While people may think they might be listening to understand, what they’re really doing is waiting to respond.

13. He appreciates your good qualities and accepts the bad ones

Every single person has flaws. Nobody is absolutely perfect. You just need to look for the right person who can live with your flaws without complaining. An ideal husband would appreciate you for all your good qualities, but will also accept your bad ones. So, he’s definitely husband material if he doesn’t:

• Berate you when you make mistakes
• Belittle you every time you’re a bit anxious
• Ask you to change who you are at your core

What qualities should husband have? Patience and tolerance. He won’t love you less because you don’t keep your cupboard clean or because you are always late, but he would help you to be a better version of yourself for your own benefit. So, if you’re evaluating whether yours is a strong relationship or not, it is, if you’re feeling appreciated.

14. He does not always need to “win”

Not only one of the qualities to look for in a husband but in every relationship that thrives on love. There is no denying the fact that arguments and miscommunication are inevitable. A mature couple has the ability to fix the problems and sort them out instead of:

An emotionally mature/responsible husband would be willing to clear out the problem and not continue the argument just to win it by any means. On the other hand, a narcissist would only try to bring you down by discouraging you, blaming you and deeming you incapable. You do not want that kind of negativity/bad vibe in your marriage. Hence, the characteristics of a husband should include problem solving skills, instead of the urge to win.

15. He is supportive of your passions

What are the qualities of a good man to marry? You need someone who supports the decisions you make and stands by you. Though this may seem like a given, unfortunately, despite the progressive times we live in, a lot of men still expect their wives to play second fiddle in the marriage. For instance, in many marriages, one of the ideal wife qualities is to give up career after the baby if the circumstances demand. However, this does not necessarily work in the modern era.

Your potential husband needs to be curious about your passions and do everything in his capability to help you pursue those passions. Find a man who raises you up in your field of passion instead of bringing you down. One of the admirable future husband qualities is that he becomes your biggest cheerleader and pushes you to pursue your dreams and goals.

Related Reading: 10 Ways to Build Your Relation After Getting Engaged and Before Marriage

16. Traits to look for in a husband: He treats your family right

A wonderful marriage is not just the union of two people but also of two families. Your partner may have no problems showing affection toward you, but if he doesn’t treat your family the way they deserve to be treated, he is not the right one for you. It’s one of the traits to look for in a husband that most people don’t pay much attention to, which eventually leads to regret later on.

Behaving sweetly in front of your family, but avoiding spending time with them during festivals, calling them names, arguing with them and just generally disrespecting them at every opportunity is one sign of an immature, hostile man. A responsible husband would not only you but your family too.

17. He is not entirely dependent on you

After marriage, spouses start depending on each other for a lot of things. That’s just the natural order of things. However, there is a difference between an interdependent and a codependent relationship. While the former is healthy, the latter is a hallmark of toxicity. It goes without saying that you need a spouse who doesn’t lean on you to an extent that your identity is reduced to being his perpetual caretaker.

You need to look for a husband who can survive without you being around 24/7. He should be able to manage chores by himself, instead of being a lazy husband. He should be able to:

• Cook meals when you’re busy
• Pack his bags for a work trip
• Take care of the kids while you’re gone

18. He encourages you to have a life outside your relationship

You are a separate human being, which means you will have different friends/passions/activities to do. An ideal husband would understand that your life does not always revolve around your marriage. Talking about healthy space in a relationship, psychologist Jaseena Backer says, “This space should be comfortable enough for the partners and not big enough for the entry of a third party.” 

Space in a relationship is not an ominous sign, and a good husband is able to recognize that. What qualities should a husband have? The ability to recognize that you’re an independent person with your own needs, likes, and dislikes should definitely make the cut. So, the duties of a good husband are to encourage you to:

• Take up new activities
• Hang out with your friends
• Spend some time with yourself
• Try new things without him

19. He allows himself to be vulnerable with you

Relationship expert Ridhi Golechha says, “Men and women deal with pain differently. Men end up suppressing their emotional pain, which makes it more intense. They put on a fake mask of courage and are not able to receive the empathy that somebody who shows vulnerability is able to receive. Also, men use other channels to direct their pain (like anger, revenge, aggression, or physical abuse).”

This brings us to the characteristics of a family man i.e. the ability to cry/express they’re in pain. Married men often struggle with emotional intimacy. On that note, marry him if he:

• Takes steps to open up to you
• Doesn’t need to prove how strong/macho he is
• Spends quality time, wherein he shows his vulnerable side

20. He is looking forward to starting a life with you

Being a husband is not everyone’s cup of tea. So, if he is not really willing to get married and is only doing it out of family pressure, your relationship might rock the boat on rocky waters. A man who genuinely wants to get married will know it from the very beginning.

He might take it slow, but he will gradually make it very obvious. If he asks you to wait while he reaches a certain position in a career or earns a certain amount of money, he will still maintain a level of commitment nonetheless. This desire to see you with him in the future without having you to guess or wonder about where your relationship is headed is a beautiful quality that you can find in your husband-to-be.

What Makes An Ideal Husband?

While we’ve listed out what to look for in a husband, the answer to this question is solely yours to answer. Are you looking for someone who loves to live the high life, or are you the kind who just wants to snuggle in with their partner on a lazy Sunday afternoon?

The qualities that make him marriage material depend on what you’re looking for, but don’t let the mutual attraction you feel make you forget about the absolute fundamentals you need, which are mutual respect, support, unwavering trust, open communication, and of course, love.

From all the qualities to look for in a future husband, the most important ones are the ones that matter most to you, without disregarding the fundamentals, of course. Make sure you’re with someone who you truly respect, since a growing lack of respect is usually the culprit behind a marriage’s undoing.

Before you tie the knot with someone, a great way of assessing how good you two will be together is by having a conversation about your expectations and what you want from the future. Do you share the same values when it comes to family? Religion? What your parenting styles are going to be? How you’re going to handle finances?

A marriage, at the end of the day, is a lot more than loving each other. When you vow to spend a lifetime with a person, you’ll need more than just love to be able to navigate the murky waters you will inevitably come across. When you’ve ticked off most of the qualities to look for in a husband and know that your partner is going to be supportive of you throughout the years, the murky waters get a lot easier to paddle through.

Finally, choose a man is open to growing and learning. If he is a man who takes therapy, it’s a sign that he wants to re-invent himself and unlearn his childhood trauma. Seeking professional help can also help you resolve past relationship baggage and become a more emotionally available partner. If you are looking for support, our counselors from Bonobology’s panel are just a click away.

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