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You are dating an amazing guy and you find yourself falling deeper in love with him every day, and a little fast. He is so good to you that you are having a hard time believing he is even real. And sure enough, something’s amiss. Suddenly, a part of you is wondering whether he is being authentic to you and you’re not sure how to find out. You’re curious to understand how to know if a guy is playing you.
He can never seem to have a serious conversation about making future plans with you, and evades all manner of commitment. He will spend time with you and call you nonstop but he never lets you meet his friends. What if these are all signs he’s a player? If this sounds familiar to you, then know that you are not alone.
A very fortunate few find their ‘happily ever after’ the first time round. Most people, unfortunately, at one point in their life get their hearts broken by some kind of a philanderer. And even if he’s not a total player, he’s probably just confused, doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings and is hurting you in the process. If you have started dating someone and are asking yourself “Is he a player or genuinely interested in me?”, then the following points will help you figure things out.
11 Warning Signs He’s A Player — Get Away From Him Fast
Let’s be honest for a minute here. There is no denying a player is good at his game. He would hardly garner that reputation if he wasn’t. He is confident, charming, mysterious, and fun. And his words hold a promise of tomorrow, but unfortunately, these are mere illusions. He is having his fun with you, but certainly seeing other women on the side.
When it comes to men who are players, their intention is always to lure you into a state where you are willing to cater to their needs without a second thought. Once he has you there, the dreamboat can quickly change into a nightmare and you end up feeling manipulated, as soon as you find out about all the other girls in his life.
You suddenly realize that he is not your Mr. Perfect at all. This is why when you see the signs he is playing you, it is best to get away from your manipulative boyfriend as fast as possible. Here are some early signs you should look out for, if you do not want to get hurt.
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1. He love bombs you
Not every person is inherently romantic. While some people want a knight in shining armor, coming to their rescue, others want something a little more practical, like a guy who pays his bills on time and does his household chores. No matter our idea of romance, we all have one thing in common. We all want to be swept off our feet. And a philanderer knows exactly how to do that.
He will start love bombing you at the onset of the relationship, without even getting to know you properly. He will shower you with lots of love and attention and smooth talk you into his trap. He will leave no stone unturned to woo you and make you feel special. He might even convince you that this is true love. But remember that most girls fall for this behaviour, which he has perfect it over time.
So much so that you will begin to think he is too good to be real – which turns out to be a correct assumption. This is one of the most obvious signs he is playing you and if you are noticing this pattern repeats itself over the subsequent dates, then it is best to let him go.
Related Reading: How To Differentiate Between Love Bombing And Genuine Care
2. Signs of a married player – the sex is great but that’s about it
Sex is an essential aspect of a relationship if you’re not asexual. It helps build intimacy between a couple and makes their bond a stronger one. The sex between you two may be great but a relationship can only survive so long on just sex. One of the early signs a guy is a player, is if the only time he is interested in you is when there is a chance of making physical contact with you, but doesn’t make much more effort to get to know you otherwise. Perhaps he is married to someone else, and is just using you to fulfill his sexual desires.
In this case, you will get very little apart from sex in this relationship, because that is the only reason he is with you. One of the red flags a guy is playing you is that he is emotionally aloof, and won’t be there when you need him. However, if you start a sex chat with him, then you will have all his attention, but he will be back to his aloof self as soon as the sex chat is done. This is one of the ways to confirm the signs he’s playing games through text.
3. Most players do not make any future plans
No, we are not demanding that he starts envisioning your wedding the moment you meet him, or starts asking you what kind of ring you might like. But as the dates keep progressing, it is natural that you get more involved in a person’s life. Initially, it’s just the dates and hanging out, then planning vacations together to spend more time, going for some family events, and so on. In the normal course of a relationship, you’d become a part of your partner’s plans for the future. It is a realistic expectation in a relationship.
When you are dating someone, at one point or the other, you will wonder what life would be like with that person in the long run. That’s when you enter a serious relationship. However, if your date keeps being vague, or avoids and shuts down any conversation about a future, then it is one of the signs he is playing you and is not serious about you. Maybe he is also going out with other women.
4. He sweet-talks you and then gaslights you
Does dating him feel like a game of hot and cold? Is he very loving one moment and then he randomly becomes distant the next? Have you heard him complain on and on about how busy he has been lately, while he keeps having team dinners seven times a month? Do questions like “Is he a player or genuinely interested in me?” keep popping up in your head? If your answer is yes to all of these, then these are the obvious signs he’s not serious about you.
- Smooth talk: “I miss you, but…”, “I am dying to meet you, but…” , “I care for you, you matter to me, but…” are things a player will say to you to lead you on and make you feel like they are pursuing you. But for all you know, he is probably saying this to multiple other girls
- Gaining sympathy: One of the signs of a player is a guy who acts like his life is falling apart. If he has not made the effort to text or call you all day and then you confront him, he will make it sound like he was having the worst day at work so that you end up forgetting your feelings and support him after you feel guilty
- Awkward timings: He always texts late asking if you’re up and makes conversation to reel you in. But throughout the day when you need him or feel like talking to him, he vanishes. At night, he will do everything to make you feel that he is obsessed with you but during the day, he could not care less as to what you are doing or where you are
How to know if a guy is playing you? They will use sweet words to melt your heart and distract you from how you are actually feeling. They will even use the sympathy card so that you end up feeling guilty. But when it comes down to reality, their actions will rarely match their words. You will keep wondering what you mean to them. And if you confront them regarding this behavior, they will gaslight you.
Related Reading: The Social Media Cheating Connection – Real Risk Or Hype?
5. He’s active online but doesn’t mention you anywhere
This is one of the oldest red flags a guy is playing you, but is one that many women often end up overlooking the most. So go through this one carefully.
If you are skeptical about your date’s intentions and are looking for signs he is a player, then his social media activity will provide you with the perfect opportunity to decipher that. It is possible that your date is a private man and doesn’t post much about his life online, and that is okay. But if he is really active online and uploads the smallest happenings in his life and there is no mention of you in it, you might have a reason to worry. Maybe he is even uploading photos with his other female friends, but never any pictures of you. Is he just playing hard or playing it cool? Not really. He is disregarding you.
- Pictures of everyone but you: He has pictures of himself with his friend group, colleagues, and even his pet rock. But there is no sign of you
- He deliberately leaves you out: Or worse, you are cropped out of the pictures with him. That is just plain rude and in that case, you are certainly dating a player. And when you ask him about it, he says something like “I want to keep our relationship private because my friends are judgmental and I don’t want them to say anything bad about you” or “My colleagues are on that account, and I don’t like to mix business with pleasure”. These are the things a player will say to you to cover their tracks
- Signs of a married player: When he completely refuses to share you on his online profiles, it might even be because he is leading some kind of a double life. For all you know, he is married to somebody else and that’s why, he does not want to be in a proper committed relationship with you
6. Your boundaries mean nothing to him
A 28-year-old reader from Texas, Jenna, shared her story with us about her love life. She and Maverick met online and had good chemistry. They went out for a date and things were going well until Maverick leaned in for a kiss. Jenna stopped him politely and said she was not ready for it. However, that didn’t stop Maverick, and he tried to kiss her again a couple of minutes later. Jenna recognized this as a dating red flag and the date ended soon after.
When Jenna later related the incident to her sister, she confirmed Jenna’s suspicion, saying, “That is a bad sign that the guy you met online is a player. He doesn’t care about your consent or about how you think and feel. This can even cause trust issues in you. One must avoid players such as these.” Maverick’s utter disregard for Jenna’s boundaries was proof of the unmistakable signs that he’s a player.
What we want you to take away from this is that, a guy who is truly interested in you, will never disregard your feelings or make you feel uncomfortable. An honest guy wants you to feel good and safe around himself. But if you feel like the man you’re seeing, is just interested in the booty calls or making physical contact, then the right thing to do might be to leave this kind of a situation.
7. You haven’t met his friends or family
Friends and family are people who are the closest to you. They are the ones we talk to first when something new happens in our life, whether good or bad. So when you find someone special in your life, it is obvious your friends will know about it. In most cases, people often want to show off their new relationship and want their partner to meet and get close to their friends and family members.
How to know if a guy is playing you? If he doesn’t share or introduce you to the most important people in his life if you have been dating for six months or more, there is a good chance he is just playing games and does not want to be in a serious relationship with you.
If you and your date have been going out for a few months, and you still haven’t met or chatted with any of his friends or family, then it is one of the signs you are in a fake relationship. Still not sure? Just ask him whether he is willing to have a group hangout with his friends and you. If the thought is not agreeable to him, then you will know the signs he’s playing games through text by the way he responds.
Related Reading: How To Impress Your In-laws In The First Meeting
8. He seems to be a huge fan of Snapchat
If your date keeps pushing you to use specific media platforms like Snapchat, then these actions are early signs a guy is a player on Snapchat. One of the things a player will say to you is “Why do we always text over iMessage? Let’s use Snapchat instead,” or something else along those lines.
This app has a feature where the messages disappear after a certain period of time. If your guy asks you to stick to this app, and the conversations somehow always turn lewd there (he might even want you to send him nudes), then it is one of the signs the guy you met online is a player. He’ll talk to you on Snapchat deliberately, because he is only interested in having a certain kind of conversation with you. That’s just a part of the player lifestyle he has got going.
9. Signs of a player – you are the last thing on his mind
Another reader, Mike, a 25-year-old painter, shared his story with us. He has been dating Brad for about 4 months now. And in these 4 months, he has seen a major shift in Brad’s behavior. In the beginning, Brad was everything a person desire. He was loving, attentive, passionate, and caring towards Mike. But he now seemed to be drifting away, and into another world.
They used to meet almost every day and now he barely sees him on the weekends. Their daily calls have reduced to irregular texts. And there was just one phrase Brad keeps repeating: “I am busy.” Mike is now afraid Brad is seeing other women or men, because he rarely ever reaches out to him.
It is normal for romance to mellow down over a period of time in your dating life. As unfortunate as it may be, it happens more often to people than you think. It takes effort to make a relationship last and it can’t just be a one-sided relationship. At the last minute players might text you saying, “I’m at this bar, come join me!” or “I have tickets to a game, can you meet me in 30?” They never actually consciously make any plans with you and you are simply like a buffer for them, when they have nobody else to do things with.
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Cope With Unrequited Love
10. He brags about his list of conquests
One of the tell-tale signs the guy you met online is a player is that he keeps talking about the people he has dated in the past. It would mostly be in the form of a beautiful experience he had with more than enough women. And worse, if he talks about how obsessed they were with him and tries to show off about it. But if the number of dates/partners/flings keeps increasing whenever he speaks about his past, that is your clue. You might even think he is doing this to make you feel jealous.
Don’t get us wrong, there is no harm in seeing multiple women or having a high number of body count as long as one is earnest and sincere towards all their partners. But if that is all they are ever able to talk about, there is a good chance they are nothing more than a player. Instead of asking about you and your day, if they keep rambling about an old bird texting him for a booty call — that certainly cannot be comfortable for you.
In all honesty, it is better to accept our partner’s past, and it also should be something that you might want to know about them. However, it is not something we should focus too much on, or discuss nonstop. There also might be a possibility he might have changed his ways and might not be seeing so many girls anymore. And we all know reformed playboys make the best boyfriends, at least according to pop culture. But it is always best to make an informed decision. And if he is in the habit of talking about his conquests, then that’s one of the signs he’s playing you and you may not be his only woman.
11. No deep conversations happen
One of the textbook characteristics of a guy who is a player is that he will go out of his way to avoid being emotionally invested in you. Most women miss this sign, even though this is one of the early signs a guy is a player, something you can even catch on a first date if you pay attention.
He will rarely, if ever, talk about his feelings on a particular matter and simply avoid any serious conversations. He might talk about everything under the sun, from what kind of coffee he drinks to the time he went sailing with his friends. And at first, this will feel like a good sign. But it is actually a clue that he will break your heart.
He makes sure you have a great time with him, discussing all kinds of random, fun things. And he will certainly be romantic, convincing you that he won’t lose interest in you. But if you pay attention to his words, they will be superficial. His words will never real who he really is on the inside or anything significant about his personal life.
One of the telltale signs he’s playing around with you is that not only will he not talk about his feelings much, he will also try to actively distract you when you talk about yours. You don’t need a relationship coach to tell you this, you just need to pay attention to how your conversation flows. Indulging in deep conversations needs a certain level of vulnerability. And vulnerability tends to lead toward emotional intimacy and attachment. And emotions are a playboy’s kryptonite.
Key Pointers
- The relationship you have with him will be mostly superficial and based on just sexual chemistry
- He will hide your relationship from his online accounts and not let you meet his friends and family
- He will try his best not to form any kind of emotional attachment to you
- You might want to know more about his personal life, but he will talk only about superficial topics with you
Dating a playboy rarely ever bodes well for anyone. Maybe he is not actively playing mind games with you, but he still might be using you. And in all honesty, you should try your best to stay away from them. However, it is indeed very tricky to spot a player. And if they are pretty and good with their words, it gets even harder to face the reality.
More often than not, a person is too blindsided by their charm because as badly as we don’t want to admit it, these men are in fact charming. And by the time you realize that there are indeed a decent amount of signs he’s not real with you, it’s already too late and you find yourself invested in him.
So here’s hoping you are able to spot these signs early on and manage to save yourself a heartbreak. Don’t let anyone play games with your heart, you deserve better.
This article was updated in July 2023.
FAQs
The simplest way you can tell a player genuinely likes you is when he opens up to you. He will talk about his feelings, thoughts, and emotions, and confide in you. His conversations will not be superficial and being vulnerable in your presence will not scare him either. He will be emotionally invested in you and it will show in his words and actions
If he is sweet to you, hangs out with you even after his needs have been taken care of, takes care of your needs as well, checks up on you over text, texts back fast, prioritizes you, and stays in touch often, then these are the major signs he genuinely likes you.
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