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Learning how to get over a crush is not an easy path to tread. Crushes are not the same as falling in love. Love is a stronger and more consistent emotion. Crushes are variables and more of an idealized version of the kind of partner you want. Despite their frivolous nature, crushes can dominate your mind space excessively.
When that’s the case, it can be a real challenge to get over someone who does not have feelings for you. With some hurdles and some setbacks along the way, this journey will keep you stumbling. However, in most cases, it is just the right track to take if you see no real future or any potential relationship with this person.
Counseling psychologist Mr. Amjad Ali Mohammad (MSc Psychology, PG Diploma in Guidance and Counseling and Diploma in Community Mental Health for Psychologists), who specializes in innovative, scientific, and systematic approaches in areas of health, education, relationship, and occupational counseling, is here to help us understand some important tricks of the trade in this regard.
18 Practical Tips To Get Over A Crush
Typically, you develop a crush on someone you find attractive. It can be exciting in the early days, but when that person feels differently about you, they can quickly turn into a mental menace. If you, for a second, stop idealizing and see the full picture from a realistic point of view, you may realize that an unrequited attraction is best to let go of, no matter what.
On the other hand, you could also be dealing with a crush who hurt you badly or someone who already has a girlfriend/boyfriend. Maybe you found a crush on social media and confessed your feelings but they ghosted you instead. Think about it, the amount of time you spend daydreaming about someone who may or may not reciprocate your feelings, is it really worth it?
Like the author, Kevin Darné, once said, “Rejection is the friend you never knew you needed. It usually saves you time and money.” So, before you catch more intense feelings for this person, we’ve got you covered with these 18 coping skills to help you move forward:
1. Remind yourself that this is not love
Having a crush on someone is barely the first stage of a relationship which is more about lust and attraction. Attachment is still a long way to go. You meet someone new. The way they walk, talk, laugh, it simply blows your mind away and the fluttering butterfly is back in your stomach.
However, it takes time to process your feelings setting aside the initial euphoria. That’s what you should remind yourself of – even though it feels like love at the moment, it probably is just another infatuation resulting from a heady mix of excitement and hormones – both of which are in your control if you try hard enough. Here’s how Amjad explains the difference between crush and love:
- A crush is a brief and intense infatuation with someone and mostly offers fleeting pleasure
- On the other hand, love is an intense feeling of deep affection that persists for the long term
- A crush is solely based on physical attraction and excitement
- While love is based on mutual respect, care, trust, understanding, and affection
Bono Tip: If they cared, they would have reciprocated, but if they haven’t, then there’s no love involved. Isn’t that red flag big enough for you to walk away?
2. How to stop crushing on a guy/girl? Just be logical
Let’s be brutally honest, we often form crushes so easily because we do not know enough about them. According to the psychology of crushes, we develop a crush on someone when we project our own ideas and values onto that person and expect them to possess certain qualities.
Their perfect aura wraps itself around our heads, keeping us so hooked that we are unable to pay attention to any dubious details. I’m not saying that you must look into their negative traits. But if you think about it smartly, you’ll realize that there is no point in flattering someone you barely even know. You are better off without them if they take your mind away from the more important things in life.
Bono Tip: Watch them for some time and once you know them better, warts and all, use logic to find the best way to move forward. Be honest with yourself and resist falling in love with someone just because you feel bored or they look nice.
Related Reading: 18 Ways To Get Out Of The Friendzone – Brilliant Tips That Actually Work
3. Start dating other people
A little distance and investing yourself emotionally into someone or something else might be one way to get over your crush. Why worry about someone who never glances at you at a party and won’t even care how it makes you feel worse? This is especially a good thing to do if you are wondering, “How to get over a crush on a friend who wants to stay friends and nothing more?”
The more you see them, the more you might be drawn to them. But if your energy and mind are occupied elsewhere, you will eventually stop noticing them at all! So, quit staring at your crush during class and go find other ways to meet men/women! There’s plenty of fish in the sea. If there is someone else interested in you and makes you feel special, don’t ignore them.
Bono Tip: Don’t indulge in this idea because your crush might feel jealous seeing you meet new people. But because this is what you need for your happiness and mental well-being. Be open to exploring your options and accept the attention you truly deserve.
4. Use the ‘no-contact rule’
If your curious case of crushing is getting completely out of hand, it might be time to rein things in a little and be hard on yourself. We know it’s hard to get over someone you have doted upon. But to save you any further misery, we suggest you give the no-contact rule a shot. Just embrace it as a way of life. Soon you will realize that the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ adage truly works.
- The first step is to sever all contact and communication with your crush until your feelings die down
- No phone calls, no text messages, no communicating via mutual friends, and no running into them intentionally
- During this time, try to avoid abusing alcohol or obsessing over your ex-crush all day long
- Stay busy, make space for all the things you love, and perhaps meet new people online
Amjad says, “Ignoring a crush can go in different ways. After giving them too much attention, if you suddenly stop giving that same importance to your crush and instead start ignoring them, they will try to come close to you to figure out why you are walking away from them. On the other hand, they might think that you are not interested in them anymore and thus they will go away from you too. Either way, you need to be headstrong.”
Bono Tip: Being okay with not interacting with them for some time could mean that it was just an infatuation. Soon enough you might realize that you don’t miss them after all and feel ready to get back in the field.
5. Ramble away to your loved ones
“How to get over a crush?” you wonder! When you have feelings for someone who’s just not that into you, it can hurt your self-esteem and cause immense frustration. So, you need a venting ground to release all the pent-up emotions and let your thoughts spill. This is when you turn to your best friends who have always been a strong support system or to someone who might have gone through similar issues in their own life.
Trust me, sometimes this helps no less than seeing a therapist or counselor. Spend time with your close friends or go and barge into your mom’s house – whatever seems best to you. Express with complete honesty how you’ve felt neglected, unworthy, and ignored, and how badly you feel like erasing this person from your head.
Bono Tip: Talking your heart out helps immensely. Speak to someone you trust and watch the pain slowly drift away.
Related Reading: Have A Crush When Married – 7 Ways To Handle This Situation
6. Listen to happy music if you feel stuck
Sad songs are meant for the suffering of heartbreaks. But let’s get one thing straight. Crushes are not heartbreaks but are rather a consequence of letting your mind wander too far. So let’s not treat it like a full-fledged heartbreak. However, vibing on a little melancholic music never hurts given that you do, in fact, feel sad. If you’re corny like me, you can even make a ‘getting over a crush’ song playlist. Or just put on some rap to keep yourself pumped!
Bono Tip: Music has healing powers. Discover it. Some quality feel-good music can lead to some quality thinking. This, in turn, can help you forget someone who does not have feelings for you.
7. “What’s my worth?” Focus on yourself in the first place
Shift your gaze from your constant idolatry of another person and start spending time thinking about yourself. We often forget the concept of self-love when we are preoccupied with the thoughts of someone else. It’s the perfect time you take over the reins for yourself and give your self-esteem a solid boost.
Do you remember that most-quoted line by Stephen Chbosky, “We accept the love we think we deserve?” That is what lack of confidence does to your judgment – you settle for less. Even research has shown that self-esteem has a high impact on both relationship satisfaction and your partner’s happiness. So, to get your crushes to chase you from now on, you should:
- Make a list of the qualities you have that you admire dearly
- Be more rigid with your boundaries in romantic and other relationships; learn to say ‘no’
- Push your limits, take new challenges, and be proud of your progress
- Strictly stop comparing yourself with others
- Practice positive affirmation techniques every day
Bono Tip: Meet new people; make new friends. But keep your self-worth in mind before you start pursuing someone. Sometimes to get over a crush on a friend without telling them, you need to remind yourself of all the reasons you like about yourself.
8. Exercise
Crazy, right? That some regular exercising can help you get over this one-sided love fantasy? When we don’t exercise enough, we often feel groggy and dull. Sometimes, getting over someone who already has a girlfriend/boyfriend can be as easy as releasing those endorphins.
A workout will pep up your happy hormones, making you energetic and enthusiastic. So, to stop feeling sorry about yourself, get out of your head and into a workout routine, get into shape, and feel awesome!
Bono Tip: Exercise does not have to be intensive or draining. Just do something to get your heart racing so that your mind can be free. Who knew dumbbells could be the answer to, ‘How to get over a crush who rejected you?’
Related Reading: How To Manifest Your Crush In 10 Simple Ways
8. Think of this as a learning experience
To recall the inspiring words of Steve Maraboli, the author, “Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.” When we find ourselves in a situation with a learning outcome, we should lean toward a positive interpretation of the said situation. To learn constantly is to grow.
If you feel like an invisible entity or have been treated unfairly, consider it a lesson for your betterment. Such an experience will teach you not to let your guard down easily in the future. Do not ruminate over the injustice to yourself. Don’t badger yourself with the “Why me?” question. Instead, take it in your stride and use the learning to become a better version of yourself.
Bono Tip: Life lessons make you grow as a person. To get over a crush on a friend without telling them or move on silently from a crush who used you, think of it as a stepping stone in life and nothing more.
10. Do your own thing
Focusing on yourself and spending all your time doing your own thing can be surprisingly therapeutic. This is not just one of the ways of getting over a crush, but to overcome any setback that life throws your way. Whether it is some online shopping or repainting a boring wall in your room – there is so much you can probably do!
Even if working more is your thing, just do that. Learn a new skill, fight for that long-due promotion. Crying over a work project is so much better than crying over a crush. At least the former yields productive results. To stop crushing on a friend, go out there and start crushing it at work!
Bono Tip: Motivate yourself to do things that will have positive results so you have very little space for overthinking about your crush.
11. Don’t be bitter with your crush
A lot of times, when our crushes are egotistical and selfish people, they might take advantage of our lovelorn state of mind. When one feels cheated and used, it can be really difficult to get over your crush on someone whom you went out with or perhaps whom you see often through a mutual friend.
In turn, it makes you hostile to pay them back for all the ill-treatment. It is evident from research that there is a close connection between revenge and emotional satisfaction or relief. But it’s never an ideal move as it leaves a door open for retaliation which can hurt you further. And your conscience might come back to bite you later. Our expert offers some good advice for such a time:
- Try to be emotionally and mentally strong, and consult a relationship expert if you think that might help
- Be self-confident and remember that you are so much better than this one challenging situation
- Don’t forget that being vindictive or trying to get revenge on an ex-crush is not going to make your pain go away rather it would overcomplicate the matter
Bono Tip: There’s just no point being bitter about someone with whom you didn’t even have a relationship. It might take longer than usual to forget them, but harboring negative feelings should not be on your list.
Related Reading: How To Get Your Crush To Like You – 15 Helpful Tips
12. Change your mindset about wanting a relationship
A lot of times, we hop from one crush to the other because of the faults in our thought process. We want relationships and love so much that the moment we find someone even remotely worthy of our time, we invest our energies into that person. Wanting a relationship and love is beautiful. But do not let it become desperation that causes you to run amok.
Amjad says, “If you haven’t mutually agreed that a relationship is possible, then your obsessive nature can completely break your connection with that crush. If you two have similar intentions about dating, that might be a good thing. But if your crush only sees you as a friend, you need to change your mindset and walk away.”
Bono Tip: Everyone has a right person waiting for them in the wings. Wait until you find them!
13. Get them out of your social media account
Social media tends to imprint the things we view while scrolling, into the database of our minds. By constantly looking at their pictures, you will keep being drawn to them! In order to prevent that, block, delete, or unfollow – do whatever you have to do to politely remove them from your social media feeds. This is especially important if you have been struggling with the ‘how to get over a crush you see every day online’ dilemma. You’ll be much better off, trust us.
Bono Tip: It’s best to just erase any possibility of that at all and detoxify your scrolling feed. This way you minimize your own tendency to see what they are doing.
14. Don’t do things to grab their attention
One of the regressive ways our mournful hearts get over crushes is by doing everything we can to get their attention. We do this not to bask in that delayed attention, but to make them crave us just when we have stopped craving them. That sense of superiority stems from unresolved feelings and will negatively hamper your growth. Do not parade around trying to be an unattainable diva to make them want you.
Bono Tip: Don’t end up doing dumb and silly things because a crush ignored you. Have some self-respect, and walk away.
15. Stop worrying too much
Stressing about a person that you don’t even admire as much as you think is a terrible waste of energy. Sadly, we very easily fall into this worry trap. It’s insane how someone who does not mean that much to us can cause us so much anxiety. It is important to consciously weed out these unwanted feelings. Instead of lying in bed with a heavy heart, remind yourself how unimportant this is and how important you are.
Bono Tip: Reserve your thoughts for the bigger issues out there. It’s just not worth worrying about.
Related Reading: How To Cope If You Have A Crush On Someone Who Is In A Relationship
16. How to get over a crush on a friend? Do not incite jealousy
Making an old crush jealous by flashing a new one is not going to make them want you more. Counter-productively, it will only make you fall deeper into the rabbit hole by constantly thinking about what they think. So just because Alan was your crush at work earlier, it doesn’t mean that you start laughing too much with Steve at all the work meetings where Alan is also present. Remember, it doesn’t matter what they think or what they do. Moreover, trying to influence any of that is only a futile endeavor.
Bono Tip: You can’t make a person who has no feelings for you jealous. Resist those tendencies completely if you want to get it over with and do better things with your life.
17. Say goodbye to the imagined scenarios in your mind
Having a huge crush can lead to some major daydreaming tendencies. You may start imagining a future with them. Or picturing cute scenarios where your affection is reciprocated and they are head over heels in love with you. Stop right there and try to understand how you are stuck in this phase of limerence. Because none of that is true or good for you.
Amjad explains, “Daydreaming to some extent is okay to feel pleasure and to feel happy about your crush. But when it becomes excessive and happens all the time, that can cause some serious trouble. It can distract you from your life goals and daily important activities such as your job, career, education, family, etc. Having limits and boundaries is important.”
Bono Tip: Keep the celluloid romance in your life at bay for a while. Come back to reality – it’s a small change really, but can go a very long way in keeping you sane!
18. Seek professional help
Research shows that people who are lonely in regard to family situations or unfulfilling romantic relationships tend to achieve a sense of contentment from having a crush. Now is that a good thing or a cry for help really? Makes one think! There are a few things like such emotional predicaments that are hard to deal with on your own. It will be wise of you to book an appointment with a clinical psychologist without any further delay.
Bono Tip: There is no shame in asking for help. So, don’t resist it when you feel the need to seek professional guidance. FYI, our counselors from Bonobology’s panel are always here to lend you a helping hand.
Key Pointers
- Think logically and quit idealizing to get over your crush on someone
- Cut ties with them in person and on social media if required
- Focus on yourself, your passion, and working on your self-esteem and well-being
- Try not to be too desperate or vindictive if they are not into you
- Try spending less time daydreaming about your crush and being more productive
So, what are your final thoughts on ‘How to get over a crush?’ Maybe you are already re-evaluating how you actually feel about that someone. You might realize that even if the feelings are still there, you will be just fine! They’re just another attractive person and there will be a new one, one who reciprocates your feelings, don’t you worry.
This article has been updated in June, 2023.
FAQs
Yes, despite their frivolous nature, crushes can dominate your mind space excessively.
No, a crush is the feeling of being attracted to someone whereas love is a deeper, more consistent emotion.
If you dwell on your feelings for too long and the other person doesn’t reciprocate, it can be heartbreaking. However that heartbreak will not last for too long as crushes are not that serious anyway.
Unless you act on your feelings and the other person also feels the same way about you, crushes are almost always one-sided.
Yes, if you’re continuously obsessing over the other person and engaging in unhealthy behavior to grab their attention.
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