Being in a relationship with someone else’s husband doesn’t feel right – you feel it in your bones. You’ve probably spent countless hours, sleepless nights telling yourself you’re going to put an end to it. Then, he comes around, and all those feelings come rushing to the fore, all the long speeches you had prepared in your head dissipate, all that sound reasoning seems irrelevant. Once again, you find yourself unable to act on your resolve to stop dating a married man.
This vicious cycle can keep repeating in a loop, making you feel powerless. Even though it may not feel like it, you do have to power to make your own choices in life. Hard as it may be, you can figure out how to let go of a married man and end the affair. The first step in that direction is to face some cold hard facts:
No matter how perfect he seems or how great you two are together, at the end of the day, you know and understand he has a wife and perhaps even kids. He couldn’t be right for you, and this is for sure. The million-dollar question now is: how to end an affair with a married man?
Well, try as you may, you will find yourself asking this question sooner or later. He may say that you are the only woman he loves and that he is only still married to his wife for the sake of the kids. You too, feel that he is “the one” for you and justify that what you two have is real. The world seems a great place when he tells you that this affair is a huge risk but he is willing to take it for you. And there, you are weaving dreams of a happily ever after.
Boom! Sorry to break your fantasy, but it is time you learn that you need to learn how to stop loving a married man who was never yours in the first place. The fact is that you are not in an actual relationship; he is having an affair with you. The man is using you to fill the emotional and, possibly, the sexual void in his marriage while you are actually falling in love with him. That’s a recipe for disaster, for sure.
He pampers you with gifts, takes you out to the best places, and takes you on holidays and you think it is love. But, is it? And even if it is, does your relationship with a married man have a future? In the heart of your hearts, you know the answer as well as we do. The odds are stacked heavily against you in this equation, and breaking up with a married man and turning over a fresh leaf is truly in your best interest.
Why Do Women Get Involved With Married Men?
Before we tell you how to end a relationship with a married man, it’s vital to understand why women find themselves so drawn to these men in the first place. Despite being single and having so many dating prospects, why do women find themselves drawn to married men?
One simple explanation could be that married men are more experienced than single men and know how to satisfy all aspects of a woman’s needs. Their maturity and experience in relationships attract women toward them. Besides, they have a way with words that will lure you toward them. In many instances, women do not even know that their lover is married before they start dating a married man.
On the other hand, a secret relationship with a married man unknowingly triggers your dark fantasy because of the thrill and the rush involved. This explains in a study, researchers found that 90% of women are interested in men who are taken, as compared to only 59% who wanted to date men they knew were single.
So, yes, you’re not alone in this experience of finding yourself drawn to a married man. Be that as it may, it doesn’t change the fact that a relationship with a married man is riddled with complications, and despite the rush and excitement, often unfulfilling. That’s why it is best for you to know how to get over a married man. When in such a relationship, there will inevitably come a time when you need to wake up and smell the coffee. The sooner you do it and make up your mind to leave a married man, the better you will feel overall.
Related Reading: Questions To Ask Yourself When You Are Falling For A Married Man
How To Stop Loving A Married Man?
The following story will tell you why it is so important to do the above. Dorothy, a sales specialist based in Boston narrated to us her story about how she felt hard for a married man and how things fell apart way too quickly. “I met him on the bus one day and we kept going out for coffee. I knew he had been married all along which is why I pretended like I didn’t like him but I knew I always did. Then, we hooked up at his house one night and his wife walked in on us. When I saw the terror on her face, I realized I should never be doing that to another woman and never caught the same bus again.”
Sounds straight out of a movie, doesn’t it? But this was a reality for Dorothy who had been involved in dating a married man. She thought she was falling in love, but at what cost? This very realization is the first step on your journey of, ‘How to stop loving a married man.’ If you really want to do this right, you first need to convince yourself of what you’re perhaps doing is selfish. Moreover, the guy you’re dating is probably far more inclined to be with his wife than you in the longer term. He’s just using you as a buffer to make himself feel better. Do not get carried away by this and realize that it is best to consider breaking up with a married man.
Leaving him is not going to be an easy thing to do. But if you’ve made up your mind, we can help you get started.
15 Tips To Stop Dating A Married Man
It could have been some time since you have been trying to get out of this toxic relationship but your love for him and the thought of a happy ending are preventing you from doing so. Moreover, every time you take a stand, he comes with his huge list of excuses and somehow manipulates you to stay with him.
He woos you with his puppy eyes and begs you to forgive him. He may make a few promises too. But that won’t last long, and it would not change anything. Remember that he is not the victim here. He is just pretending to be one, acting all dazed and confused about the situation he’s been put in.
Breaking up with a married man as soon as possible is necessary because, in the end, he will choose his family over you, leaving you in so much despair. It may be painful to let him go because you love him, but the fact remains that he is another woman’s husband. Ultimately, you will have to learn how to stop loving a married man and let go of him. We know that is easier said than done. So, to help you, here are 15 tips that will help you finally end a relationship with a married man and make a fresh start:
1. Do a reality check
How to end an affair with a married man when you’re head over heels in love? It’s time to give yourself a reality check. Come out of the world of extramarital affairs and back to reality. First things first, you know you shouldn’t have fallen for a married man. You can tell yourself “The hearts want what it wants” all you want, but we are sure that there is a tiny voice in your head that keeps you up at night.
That’s the voice of reason. Listen to it. Think about how bad an influence this relationship is. Think about what your life was and what it has become. Are you happy from within? Is this what you want, claiming your right on someone married to some other woman? Is dating a married man really making you a happier person, overall?
The secrecy, the lies, the fear, the dishonesty – the pain of having an affair with another woman’s husband will haunt you. If necessary, make a pros and cons list. Don’t let this relationship ruin all the good things in your life.
2. Believe in yourself
Many women get into relationships with married men thinking that it is what they deserve. They subconsciously think that they are not going to find someone else and try to adjust to the situation. Such women convince themselves that they are in love while they could just be in love with the idea of being in a relationship, perhaps because they’ve been single too long and they hate it.
How to get over a married man and take charge of your life again? Believe in yourself. Tell yourself that the best is yet to come and you do not need to compromise. Your future will be brighter than you think – you just need to be ready for it.
Breaking up with a married man can become easier if you work on your own limiting beliefs and truly learn to have faith that you deserve better. You deserve to be someone’s top priority and not an after-thought. So, don’t settle for whatever it is that a married man can offer you in the name of love and a relationship.
3. Think about your own future
To stop dating a married man, all you need to do is think about your future. What do you see? Have you been standing at the same place without any hope? Do you see a family, a future with the married man you are dating? Do you see a time in life where he will be yours to call your own?
We’ll tell you what you see and what you know. You are in a relationship that is doomed. Your future is at a standstill and this is a dead-end relationship without a shadow of a doubt. Your youth is coming to an end and you are still unsure who you are going to spend the rest of your life with. You let go of suitable men because you are hanging onto this relationship.
The future can only happen if you give it a chance. Think about it. Being mindful of it can help you take the first steps toward figuring out how to stop loving a married man.
4. How to end an affair with a married man? Look for the void
At times people get into relationships to fill up some other void that is eating them up. That void can hold the answers to how to end an affair with a married man. To be able to move forward from this emotionally draining relationship, you first need to identify the void that is eating your life up. Is it attention? Lack of money? Or yearning for love? Do you need to endure the pain of being the other woman to fill the void?
Whatever it is, you know that in the long run, you are going to regret this mistake heavily. And while it is great that you identify this is not something you want, you also need to identify and avoid what caused it in the first place. Think about how those voids can be filled without a married man in the picture. Work on yourself, and you’ll stop falling for seemingly attractive, married men at the drop of a hat.
5. Evaluate what you are not getting from this relationship
All of us have certain relationship expectations from our partners. To stop dating a married man, you need to evaluate the needs that your married lover is not able to meet. Take a pen and paper and list out what sacrifices you are making, when you do not need to. Would you be still making those if you were dating a single man?
Is he there when you need him or when it is convenient for him? Did your lover spend his holidays with you or his family? Are you technically left alone while he enjoys his social life with his wife? When the world was going around publicly celebrating, you were left alone, even though you had your lover to celebrate it with.
Revisit the memories of all the sleepless nights you spent staining your pillow with tears while he was probably having a snug time with his family. That right there is why you need to figure out how to stop loving a married man.
6. Face it – you are like a mistress to him
This is a hard pill to swallow but if you are indeed serious about understanding how to stop loving a married man, you need to wash this one down immediately. Here’s a reality check – you are his mistress. You are the other woman in a married couple’s life. You can never take the place of his wife. He will never have kids with you. All you are doing is unwillingly breaking a family when the man is at fault.
The psychological effects of being the other woman can leave a permanent dent in your mental health, well-being, and sense of self. Think about whether your relationship with a married man is worth losing yourself over? No? Then, working to gain acceptance of the fact that breaking up with a married man is the best recourse available to you.
7. Give him a pregnancy scare to note the signs a married man is using you
If you are still stuck in his web of lies that he is going to be with you and leave his family, test his intentions by playing a little prank. Just tell him that you are pregnant with his baby. Nothing more, nothing less. If you had not yet noted the signs a married man is using you, you will not. In most cases, he is going to tell you to abort the child because he cannot leave his family.
His reaction will determine where you stand in his life. All the promises, all the commitments will drown in his disappointment with you. And once he does so, you should not think twice before walking out of this hell. You are the one who will have to make the sacrifice because of a situation he put you in. You don’t have to keep sacrificing yourself at the altar of his expectations and needs. The only way to stop that from happening is to end a relationship with a married man.
8. Before breaking up with a married man, ask him to file for a divorce
Whether you want to end an affair with a married man at work or an old flame you reconnected with, knowing where you stand in his life can make that decision easier for you. Do not threaten to leave him. He has prepared himself for this long time before it popped into your mind. He will talk you out of it.
Instead, ask him to file for a divorce before breaking up with a married man. Tell him you can’t continue going on like this. He is never going to do it, though he may keep on asking you for time. You’d know this better because you might have already given him enough time. Be honest with yourself.
Related Reading: 7 Ways To Handle A Married Man Flirting With You
9. Stop lying to yourself and everyone else
Going behind a man’s wife and kids for your affair isn’t worth it. It has to be a secret. You have to constantly lie – to yourself and to your near and dear ones to keep this relationship going. And you cannot declare your relationship in public, it has to be a hush-hush affair. Do you really want to be is dirty, secret lie?
There are so many secrets you have to keep and for what? A relationship that has no future. You cannot go out in public, cannot introduce him to your friends. Meeting the in-laws is something that will never be in your cards for you two will always keep sneaking around in hotel rooms and in the backseat of his car. He will never acknowledge you as his girlfriend. Since he will not give you your rightful place as a partner, it’s best to leave a married man and move on.
10. Think about the kids
How to end an affair with a married man? You may have to put your own needs and desires on the back burner for a while and think empathetically about the impact of this relationship on his children. Yes, it can be hard on you, but to quit dating a married man, ascertain the complications your relationship has.
Feeling the guilt of breaking a marriage will definitely speed up your process of how to get over a married man. And imagine if there are kids involved. Would you be able to handle the fact that a family broke up because a man couldn’t control his desires and you couldn’t decide between right and wrong?
Think about what impact this news will have on the kids. They are not prepared for such a situation. Would they not hate you? Can you take hatred of kids, so to say? And will your loved ones approve of the relationship happily? Think about it. Even if he divorces under pressure from you, do they deserve it? They cannot handle the trauma of having divorced parents and custody issues.
11. Tell the wife
If you’ve pulled all stops and yet haven’t been able to figure out how to stop loving a married man and end the affair, it may be time to try something radical. To stop dating a married man and ensure he doesn’t do it again, confess to his wife. If you’re sure of the signs a married man is using you and truly feel bad for his wife, go ahead and tell her. The wife has the right to know who she married. Telling her will put you in a bad light but you cannot expect anything else at this point.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. She needs to know because her ignorance can encourage the man to do it again with someone else. Telling her will lift a heavy weight off your chest. He will probably not pull you back in his life and will perhaps even bad-mouth you and blame the whole affair on you. But the plus point is that you will no longer be tied to that man, and walk away with a clear conscience.
Of course, you have to weigh the pros and cons of taking such a step because the situation can snowball out of control once the affair comes to light. We do not recommend taking this step lightly or in a fit of anger or if you think your affair is turning into love. You’ll only end up hurting the guy immensely if you truly think you were in love. This can be the answer to how to end an affair with a married man only if you’ve tried to break it off with him and he isn’t prepared to back off.
12. Sever all ties with him
When you have decided to end the affair with a married man, you need to be strong. Cut off all ties with him now, immediately. It will take all the courage you have, but you know you have to do it. You owe this to yourself. Free yourself from this affair. Tell him to never contact you again. Block his number and delete his contact. Block him from your social media accounts and you’re your common friends not to have you both together. Threaten to inform the wife if he tries to reach you.
If you feel that your partner is the manipulative kind who wouldn’t let go of you easily, the option of breaking up with a married man over text and then blocking him out of your life is always available to you. It may not be the cleanest or the most mature move, but it will get the job done of walking out of the relationship.
13. Contact an ex
Having a friendly conversation with your ex reminds you of what a real relationship feels like. It may not have ended on good terms but it was real. You will remember your old self again. Contacting your ex is just an attempt to save bits of yourself and not rekindle any old romance, one that might have actually been real.
You do not want to go down the path of breaking up with a married man only to end up in a rebound relationship with an ex. Just treat it like a fleeting moment of contact to jolt you out of your denial about the reality of your relationship with a married man, so that you stick to the resolve of ending the affair and moving on.
14. How to end an affair with a married man? Tell your best friend
Don’t think about all the judging looks she will give you. In the end, she will support you and hold you together when all of this is over. You will need her the most when it all comes down crashing. Telling your best friend about it and being open about your feelings will make you feel light.
Share how committed you are to end things for good and ask her for help. Ask her to check on you every few days lest you give in to your temptations. She will be your support system and will help you not go back to your old ways again. Just like with any other breakup, you need emotional support to end a relationship with a married man. Your best friend is the only one who can offer it.
Related Reading: I Had An Affair With A Married Man And I Hoped For An Ever After…
15. Get back to your old life
The final piece of advice on how to end an affair with a married man is to reclaim your old self and life. You have been leading a secretive life and must have lost contact with your old friends. Reconnect with lost ones and start spending time with friends and get your life back. He is not going to like this because it will expose your relationship’s vulnerability.
Go on dates and meet new people. Find new ways to meet men. Who knows where you might find someone. Go out shopping with your girlfriends and buy a dress that makes you look sexy and you feel good about it. You can also do some online retail therapy and get some new cushion covers for the house or art supplies so that you can indulge in your hobby again. Own your life and move on
Tips to survive a breakup with a married man
You are blaming yourself. A part of you feels ashamed and guilty, but mostly you are in pain. You thought that you will have a happy ending but instead, you are left with a big hole in your heart. You feel exposed because of noticing the signs a married man is using you and how you let him continue to do it. It is because you were emotionally involved in the relationship which you knew was not good for you from the start. But, you need to pull yourself together. Here are ways to let go of a married man:
- Grieve: Have your share of mourning. Let yourself grieve and take it all out once and for all
- End it for good: Make sure it is completely over. Go to all extremes to ensure that he doesn’t come back into your life and follow the no contact rule
- Quit blaming yourself: Don’t blame yourself. Blaming yourself will only justify that you were the cause
- Seek support: Have a friend as a shield. Your friend will ensure that you don’t do anything stupid
- Rediscover yourself: Revive yourself. Bring back your old self that got lost when you met him
- Embrace your freedom: Focus on your life goals. Live your life on your terms. Breathe
It may sound painful at first, but it is not worth investing your time and life in someone who is already taken. Unless you are also in it for the fun part, it is best to end this affair as soon as you can.
Having an affair with a married man is considered ‘illicit’. If you are a girlfriend of a married man, you are most likely to be recognized as his mistress. While you may be his lover, you will mostly be called the ‘other woman’ in his life. Dating a married man could make others address you with many condemnable titles, and it could be a painful experience.
Apart from society stigmatizing you for being the ‘other woman’, dating a married man could deeply harm your self-esteem and pride. Such a relationship entails a lot of secrecy and that could take a toll on your mental well-being as well. You also run the risk of leading a dissatisfied life because you are always a second priority. And if his wife finds out, you could be in a very undignified position.
If you start developing feelings for a married man, you need to take control of things there and then. Know that dating a married man will only bring about hurt, cheating guilt in the both of you, and dissatisfaction, so fighting off your feelings early on is the best way. Keep meeting new people, avoid talking to him or spending time with him, do not pay heed to his advances, and perhaps confess to a friend to play your personal cheerleader and keep you away from wrecking your life.
First of all, don’t blame yourself for what has happened. It is not ideal, but it happens. Next, it is a good thing if you are questioning your actions and want to do something about them. It is time that you try to break free from this relationship which is only going to weigh you down. Perhaps, you should break up with him at the earliest.
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