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A breakup has been identified as one of life’s most difficult experiences, and getting over a breakup has to be one of the most challenging things for anyone, even the strongest among us. Don’t feel alone if you’re down, depressed, or disappointed because of a breakup with your partner. It’s a normal reaction, but remember that finding love again is possible and achievable.
Most people will have at least one breakup in their lifetime. Even if it is difficult to accept, these experiences eventually shape us into emotional adults. It is then critical that effective ways to move on after a breakup be established to assist people in moving on to the next stage of their emotional development.
Is It Possible To Find Love Again?
If you’ve recently experienced heartbreak, trust me: finding love again after a divorce or a breakup is possible. In 2020, around 1.27 million people got divorced in America, according to these statistics. You’re not alone. Consider the possibility that you have more than one soulmate.
Keep these things in mind whenever you think you won’t fall in love again:
- Only people who shut their hearts to love, change, and vulnerability are at the risk of not finding love again
- If you’re depressed, angry, scared, or perplexed, and wondering, “Will I ever love again?”, that’s normal after most breakups. Be patient and give yourself time to accept and process these emotions before letting a person go
- Remember that you have the ability and strength to love deeply. That capacity isn’t attached to another person, it’s within you, and you can access and utilize it again
- Just because something did not work out the first time does not mean it won’t the next time
- Breakups are common. If you understand that as a fact and not a personal attack or a life sentence, you’ll be able to find love again
- A study says that in the years after losing your partner, you develop the ability to take independent decisions and are more resilient to ongoing events in your life. This helps you take better decisions and find love again
After divorcing Tim Belusko in March 2016, Danielle Fishel reconnected with Drop the Mic executive producer Jensen Karp. They made their romance Instagram official in 2017 (and are still going strong) when Fishel posted, “I woke up today thinking it would be a normal day, but it was anything but that … The future Mr. and Mrs. Karp have announced their engagement, and no one is more excited than I.”
According to a study, it takes most people about 11 weeks to see their previous relationship in a new light and start to move on. So, allow yourself as much time as you need to heal and give yourself the best chance of finding love again with the right person.
10 Tips On How To Find Love Again After A Breakup
Breakups are never easy, whether it was you or your ex-partner who ended the relationship. Reminiscing about the happy memories can make the breakup difficult to accept. Whatever you’re feeling right now – loneliness, humiliation, rejection, disconnection, disappointment, or even relief – is normal. We will review some strategies for moving on after a divorce or a relationship and finding love again after a heartbreak.
1. Learn lessons of self-love
Though it may seem impossible to fall in love again after getting hurt, it can happen if you learn from the lessons your heartbreak taught you. Learning and growing are a natural part of life and demonstrate your self-worth.
- The breakup ultimately teaches you to love yourself better
- It may teach you not to make the same mistakes that you made in the previous relationship(s). You’re learning your own patterns, boundaries, and needs
- As much as we would like every healthy relationship to be a fairy tale and our significant other to sweep us off our feet, that is unlikely to happen
- Don’t hesitate to take some advice for finding love again from a loved one, someone who’s been through the pain of losing a partner
- You learn that though relationships are important, yet to be happy with yourself, you don’t need a partner
- It may be difficult to admit, but you cannot change someone, especially if they are your life partner
- Your gut instinct will usually have your best interests at heart, whether you like it or not
Related Reading: 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples
2. Reflect on your part in the breakup or the relationship dysfunction
When trying to make sense of a breakup, it can be beneficial to gain insight into the other person’s fears and motivations, but remember that it takes two to tango. It’s even more important to consider how you contributed to the drama. What red flags did you overlook? What kind of drama did you write? What dysfunction did you contribute to? You can also think about what you learned from this relationship and what you would do differently in the future.
3. Do not return to them
Let’s be honest: rekindling a former flame can sometimes be enticing, even for the most seasoned. In times of weakness or loneliness, reconnecting with an ex may be more appealing than it should be. Lewandoski Jr., an author and TedX speaker, shows how exes can be associated with familiarity and convenience, which is why many people return to them. He said, “Those who need more reassurance and love in their relationships due to insecure attachment are more interested in getting back together with an ex.”
4. Do not call or text them
According to Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, dating coach, founder, and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching, any contact with your ex reinforces and strengthens your attachment and impedes your recovery. “Removing your ex from your physical and digital worlds is an important step in healing,” she says. If you want to start getting over a breakup, try to establish the no-contact rule for at least 30 days. Thirty days will turn into forty, then fifty … and by then, you should be feeling much better and would have gained some clarity.
5. Make a playlist of breakup songs
Because music strongly influences mood, the breakup mix is essential to your post-parting toolkit. Allow the breakup playlist to be your companion when you are adrift in a churning sea of emotions while driving to work or rage-cleaning your apartment.
What should you put in your mix? That’s very personal. According to a 2016 study, listening to sad music can make some people feel better while making others feel worse. If you know from experience that moody music will help you relax, go for it. Otherwise, you should stop listening to that Adele’s album right now.
Related Reading: 11 Ways To Remain Sane During a Divorce
6. Look after your body and mind
The foremost thing you need to do after heartbreak is to take care of yourself. This is essentially emotional triage, people. Dekeyser, relationship manager at Grote Ondernemingen, recommends getting a massage — and not just because they feel great. “The human brain cannot distinguish between physical and emotional pain,” she says. “If you want to get rid of emotional pain, get that deep-tissue massage to trick your brain into producing positive and healing endorphins. It’s fantastic!”
Also, use this time to focus on your fitness like this person did. “2 years ago, my love left me after discovering I suffered from PTSD even though I supported him with his mental health. I gained a lot of weight from being abandoned without a word. I decided to turn my life around. I’ve now lost 11 kg (24 lbs) in 4–5 months and trying to find love again,” shared a Reddit user.
7. Take advantage of your independence
When a relationship ends, all you can think about is all the things you’ll never be able to do with them again. But there is a bright side to this, a silver lining if you will. Do things that you skipped because your partner didn’t like or enjoy those activities. In other words, you are liberated, and now is the time to reclaim everything you have given up in the past.
- Nothing beats the anxiety after a breakup like an endorphin rush. Now is the time to go back to your spin class, aerial yoga, pole dancing, or aqua Zumba, something you’ve always loved but couldn’t pursue during the relationship
- Remove your ex from your mind by filling them with a completely new language that you always wanted to learn
- Perhaps what you really require is a change of scenery. Now is the ideal time to grab your passport and a backpack and set out for that solo trip of your dreams into the vast unknown.
- Have you ever wanted to learn to play the guitar, sing, or even spin records? But never had that time when you were with your ex? With some lessons (and a lot of practice), you can discover just how much of a rockstar you truly are
8. Reconnect with family and friends
Being coupled up means you spend a lot of time with them, and one of the most challenging aspects of being single is all the time we have on our hands. If you are facing difficulty in finding love again after the death of a spouse, please ensure your connectivity with your family and friends. Do fun activities with them that are positive and enriching. Please don’t isolate yourself as this will only prolong your heartbreak.
- Simply reach out. If you think calling is too much pressure, send a sincere text.
- If you’re genuinely excited to reconnect with an old friend, make it a point to tell them.
- As you converse with your family member or friend, express your interest in what they’re saying.
- Begin the conversation by recalling a fond memory or a humorous experience you shared
- Meet them in new places
- Plan fun games/sports with them. Playing traditional board games helps improve cognitive impairment and depression as per this study
Related Reading: 9 Reasons You Miss Your Ex And 5 Things You Can Do About It
9. Consider what you truly desire in a partner
After some time has passed and you’ve gained some distance from your ex, the rose-colored glasses will inevitably begin to slip a little. They were great in many ways, but you split for a reason, so they also had some flaws/areas of incompatibility, which can now be filed under red flags/gentle lessons for the future.
Now that you’re single, you can think about what you want in a partner. After you’ve done that, turn the tables on yourself and ask yourself if you’re happy with where you’re at in life. This will help you in finding love again.
- Many resources are available if you need help with what to look for. Take the time to listen to those you consider wise and who know you best
- There are many dos and don’ts after a breakup. One of the dos is that if you are still hurting, make sure you give yourself some healthy time to grieve and care for yourself
- Begin your search for what you want in a relationship by asserting your expectations with yourself, within your inner circle, and at work
- List the values you must have in a partner. See if your own personality aligns with those values as well
10. Do the things you like the most
You may believe that getting out there entails going to the club, but the truth is, the club is the worst place to meet new people. It’s ideal for going out drinking and possibly hooking up. If you’re looking for love, Dekeyser, Relationship manager at Grote Ondernemingen, recommends skipping the bar crawl and getting more creative by attending events and doing the activities you enjoy. “By attending events you enjoy, you’re being your authentic self. What better place to meet someone?” she asks.
Key Pointers
- Reflect on the lessons that you have learned from your recent heartbreak
- Make the well-being of your body and mind your topmost priority
- Make the most of your free time doing the things you always wanted to do
- Spend time with friends and family
- Think about what type of a partner you would like to have and if your own values align with the ones you’re seeking in someone
Do not be scared to face your fears or welcome a new person into your life. If you are a single mom finding love again, or you got divorced or had a breakup, your patience and new resilience will eventually lead you to someone who will invest as willingly and deeply as you do. It may seem like a long wait, with disappointment along the way, but have faith that what is meant for you will come into your life at the perfect time. Allow someone to love the unique person you are. Fall in love again when the time comes, and be your own anchor until then.
FAQs
Finding someone to date is relatively simple today, but finding someone with whom to connect and have a fulfilling relationship is entirely different. Stable long-term relationships require two people with similar values. They require couples to agree on how they feel and what they want from the relationship, how they communicate, perceive each other, invest in each other, view the world, and what they believe in. But enough of that. You’ve come here because you’re wondering, “Will I ever find love again?” The answer is YES. You will find love again. Just give it time, however long it takes.
It is difficult to quantify a process with no defined parameters, making it difficult to pinpoint the time it takes to find love again after a divorce or breakup or death of a partner. A Quora user shares how you often find love again when you least expect it. After her breakup with her partner, she took her time to heal. She started working on her physical and mental health and pursuing her passion and eventually, she found love from a guy she had never expected. It seems that there are good chances of finding love again once you love yourself first.
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