Dirty Talk Advice ColumnIs it possible to have a kink addiction? Are the kinky dreams and desires that you have also causing you to feel conflicted and concerned? And how do you fit a video camera into this kinky conundrum?

Today’s column comes courtesy of an aspiring fetish model who finds themselves concerned about a possible addiction to kink. How does one ensure that they are approaching their desires in a healthy way? The Dirty Talk Advice column has the answer! Let’s get started, shall we?

“I absolutely love kink and would love to meet kinky women and film content with them, but I also feel like I’m battling an addiction to kink. Maybe I want a normal life and these kinky fantasies are an escape? I’m not sure and I’ve been struggling for 10 years now. Help! What should I do?”–Kink Addicted Aspiring Model

There are two different things at play here, a desire to do fetish modeling and film it and also a concern that you might be addicted to kink. They are separate factors that are combining in your case, but the addiction is the bigger issue, so let’s start with the modeling aspect first.

In your letter you state that you’ve been struggling for around ten years now. To me this indicates that in the past 10 years you have been unable to fulfill your fantasy of filming content with kinky women. If I had a fantasy that was burning in my brain and I still hadn’t fulfilled it after a decade, I would feel some frustration as well. I would also want to reexamine the fantasy and figure out why I was having so much trouble moving forward with it.

What Kind Of Content Do You Want To Film?

Kinky FilmingYou say that you want to “film content”. It’s not entirely clear to me what you mean by this. There are two ways to interpret this statement. Do you want to make content for your own personal library or is this content that you want to release into the world? Unfortunately, you didn’t mention if part of your kinky fantasies includes exhibitionism so I am left to guess. I’m going to assume that it is the latter. If you wanted private films of your kinky exploits, in the last decade you could have easily hired a Pro Domme that offers this service and to made a movie or three. The fact that you’re still thinking about it 10 years later means that it’s much more likely you want to make content for others to see.

If you are in fact looking to get into fetish modeling I have to warn you that modeling is an unreliable business. There are many more aspiring male fetish submissives then there are movies for them to be in.

What actions have you taken to fulfill this desire? Have you approached anyone that does filming? Have you submitted any applications? Or are you just sitting at home struggling with these fantasies and 10 years have passed? Just like with anything else, what we want very rarely falls in our lap with a neat little bow.

Where Are You Falling Short In Fulfilling Your Dreams

After 10 years you still haven’t met the kinky women you dream of shooting content with, if you had managed to achieve the results that you wanted, you wouldn’t have written into me. Let’s break down why you haven’t managed to achieve your desires. Where are you falling short? What is it that you are not doing?

In order to find prospective partners to help us fulfill our kinky dreams and desires, we have to be willing to put ourselves out there. When I started my modeling career I reached out to people I wanted to work with, I submitted countless applications, I joined every fetish modeling group and discussion board I could find, I introduced myself to people and I put in the time. I got rejected from a fair amount of places, not everybody wanted to work with me, not every filming experience was exactly what I had hoped it was going to be, but the more I put myself out there, the more I got the results that I desired.

You appear to have been stuck in a holding pattern for the past decade where you aren’t getting the kinky experiences you crave and are having concerns about possibly being addicted to kink. How is this addiction manifesting? Since you aren’t playing with the kinky women you crave, are you just sitting at home and endlessly fantasizing? Is your addiction manifesting around a fixation on things you want to have happen? I hesitate to use the word addiction here.

Let’s Look At Your Assumed Kink Addiction

Kink AddictionHumans can get addicted to literally anything, up to and including eating mattresses. In general signs of addiction are lack of control, or inability to stay away from a substance or behavior, decreased socialization, like abandoning commitments or ignoring relationships and risk factors. You don’t mention in your letter how you feel your possible addiction is affecting your life. If it isn’t causing you to miss work, isolate yourself and drop friends and family, spend money you don’t have, or engage in risky behavior that can be life-threatening (like the lady that ate a foot of mattresses a day) I wouldn’t call this a kink addiction.

It seems to me that you have spent a decade endlessly thinking about things you would like to have happen but haven’t. Since you can’t get these thoughts out of your head you are concerned that you might be addicted to kink.

Is it possible to get addicted to kink? Yes. Is kink escapism? Certainly! That’s why we do it. There’s nothing wrong with escapism as long as you approach it in a healthy way.

Take Some Actions Fulfill Your Desires

Action PlanObviously what you’re doing now is not working for you. So change it! If you’re not meeting the people that you want, change how you try to meet people. Get more active on social media. Join more groups. Take classes on kinky topics that interest you. Attend more munches and conventions. Munches, conventions and classes have all moved online these days. There are so many different ways to connect with your fellow kinksters!

I understand how frustrating it is to not get your desired outcome immediately. However, the more you are willing to put yourself out there and invest your time and effort, the more likely you are to get the end results you want. Not guaranteed, nothing is guaranteed, but much more likely.

If after doing all of that you still feel you are struggling with a kink addiction, then you should seek the assistance of a licensed addiction specialist. They will be able to put together a treatment plan to address the ways in which your compulsive behavior towards kink affecting your life negatively. I don’t think you’re there yet though. Try some conventions and discussion groups first. Best of luck!

Keep it Kinky My Friends,

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Rain DeGrey

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