Dirty Talk Advice ColumnFantasies are a soft, secret place where we are free to go as far as the limits of our imaginations. Fantasies titillate, arouse, and thrill. They also can cause shame or fear—particularly when we are vulnerable and share them with someone else, only to feel shamed or judged after the fact.

What does one do when they are vulnerable enough to share a fantasy with a partner, only to be shut down, and shut down HARD? How does one reconcile their deepest, darkest fantasies with the judgment of their partners? Is such a thing even possible? The Dirty Talk advice column has some answers! Today the topic is forced feminization and the answers are…probably not exactly what you want to hear but also honest and helpful.

Honest and helpful don’t always mesh with the deepest, darkest fantasies, unfortunately. Snag that red lipstick and let’s get started, shall we?

“I have a long standing fantasy about forced feminization, and I can’t stop thinking about it. When I took the risk to bring it up in a long-term relationship, I was told it was an absolute deal breaker for them. Now I am afraid to discuss it with anybody. Will I ever be able to explore this? Or will I always be judged over it?”–Forced Femme

Is the possibility that you will find someone to explore your forced feminization fetish with you zero? No. Is it very very low unless you are paying a professional? Yes. Now let me explain why.

Let’s Look At The “Forced” In Forced Feminization

Forced Feminization FantasiesThe key word here is “forced”. Not “eager” or “enthusiastic”. Forced. And the forced part is where most women, the very people that are the ones you want on the other side of your fantasy, are going to object. The “forced” part is the part that gives you the deepest thrill, the base foundation of the dopamine payoff, but if you take a step back, you will be able to see why most women would consider it a deal breaker.

Whether or not you are consciously aware of it, the “forced” part of this kinky equation implies the belief that to be feminized is humiliating and shameful. That becoming so somehow makes you somehow lesser than. After all, your fetish isn’t “fiercely femme”, or “fabulously femme”, it is “forced femme”. Forcing someone to become femme is embarrassing and degrading, and that is a huge part of the overall fetish.

Most Women Aren’t Going To Be Into A Fetish With Implied Degradation Towards Women

Woman PowerWhen you ask a woman to take part in a fetish that implies at its core that it is degrading and humiliating to be a woman, most women are not going to be interested. In fact, they are going to say that taking part in such a fetish would be a deal breaker. And can you blame them? Why would a woman want to help you explore a fetish that implies that it is embarrassing to be a woman? No matter how hot you may personally find the concept?

Another factor to consider is that most people that are into forced feminization tropes tend to lean into a busty blonde aesthetic with skin-tight clothing, stockings, and wearing glossy lipstick. Very few people wanting to explore the concept of forced feminization want to be forced into resembling short-haired makeup-free brunettes in jeans. This means that the fetish scope gets even narrower and the potential partner pool shrinks even more so.

Your odds of lucking into such a partner are extremely low. Not zero, but within spitting distance of zero. Your best bet for finding someone willing to explore this fetish with you is to hire a professional, not to bring it up in long-term relationships, and hope your partner is somehow okay with exploring the concept that it is embarrassing to be female-presenting.

Unfortunately for you, your fantasies have some added complications that make it harder to find people willing to explore them with you. It would be much easier if that wasn’t the case, but that isn’t where you are at. If your fantasy shifted slightly to be cross-dressing or gender-bending, your potential partner pool would definitely expand—it is the forced part that people are going to keep tripping on.

There Are Ways That You Can Explore This Fantasy On Your Own

Dreaming of FeminizationI know how discouraging and frustrating it feels to be vulnerable and honest with a partner only to have them shut you down HARD. Believe me, I know. It stings something sharp and painful. All is not lost, however. You can still explore your fantasies FF!

You can have a dressing-up kit. Think about being feminized when you have the time. Read about feminization or you can watch porn about it, you can write about it, there are a ton of potential outlets! You just need to make your peace with the fact that it isn’t guaranteed you will find a woman willing to explore this particular fantasy with you.

Don’t stop having fantasies—they are a nourishing fuel and joy that make the days go by a little easier. Just because you haven’t found someone willing to engage with your fantasies at this present moment doesn’t make your fantasies bad, it just makes them extra spicy. Extra spicy is a specific flavor that doesn’t work for everyone. Hopefully, you find someone one day FF, but until then work on expanding out your dressing-up kit and toy bag! Building up a collection can be a very rewarding pursuit that deeply satisfies.

Keep it Kinky My Friends,

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Rain DeGrey

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